Parenting
Almost 40 Doesn’t Mean Almost Done
Updated: Feb. 24, 2016
Originally Published: Sep. 22, 2015
As I approach my 39th birthday, many would say I have it all together. I graduated from university, married an amazing partner, and even welcomed four healthy children into the world. I own a house, have a fulfilling job, and a circle of supportive friends. Yet, despite these accomplishments, I often feel like I’m falling short, and let me explain why.
This morning at the gym, I met a vibrant, young woman who was fit and full of energy. Our coach made an offhand comment, prompting her to share a story about meeting a celebrity. As she spoke, I couldn’t help but think, “What have you done with your life?”
Flashback to my 20s: I lived in Los Angeles, pursuing a theater degree, juggling waitressing gigs, and landing roles as an extra on a few now-defunct TV shows. One day, during a break, I bumped into the one and only Jim Carrey. This was long before his Twitter antics and when I still believed in the magic of Hollywood. We had a delightful chat, but I lack any visual proof—just a cherished memory. Now, here I was, trying to impress a stunning 20-year-old, but instead, I felt more like a has-been.
Worse yet, it was glaringly obvious that I had set aside my acting dreams for a quieter life in the Midwest. I could see the question forming in her mind: “Do you still act?” I launched into my rehearsed response about how I moved back to the Midwest to save money after marrying my husband and then had children. I ended up with a stable university job that, while it doesn’t use my theater degree, will at least fund my kids’ college education. So, no, I don’t act anymore—unless local commercials count, which I know they don’t.
She smiled politely and drifted away, probably eager to escape the weight of my disappointments.
While working out, I found myself reflecting on the choices I’ve made. In my younger years, I set aspirations for myself, and while I may not have achieved an Oscar in the traditional sense, I did name my fourth son Oscar after his birth. My ambitions included marrying a wonderful partner, achieving financial independence, and—yes—even meeting Oprah. I wasn’t specific about the location, but I wanted to be happy, and I achieved that.
It’s a common truth that college students often lack clarity about their future. I set broad goals and, to my credit, accomplished them—even the Oprah one. But now, I realize I’ve shifted my focus entirely onto my children’s futures, making their goals my priority.
And that’s where I feel I’ve gone astray. Without personal aspirations, I’m merely coasting through life on autopilot. My kids have their own dreams to chase, but as I near 40, I need to reclaim my own—starting with the realization that I shouldn’t be comparing myself to someone half my age. Honestly, it’s a bit unfair; I’d probably outshine her if we were competing!
Deep down, I know there’s so much more ahead of me than I ever envisioned. My younger self couldn’t have imagined the incredible potential that women over 40 can tap into.
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Summary:
As I near my 40s, I’ve come to realize that feeling lost doesn’t mean I’m done. While I’ve achieved many of my earlier dreams, I’ve shifted my focus to my children’s futures. I need to reclaim my aspirations and stop comparing myself to those younger than me. Life after 40 holds untapped potential that I’m excited to explore.