Stay-at-home dads often encounter a variety of curious remarks. Why is that? Many still view the concept as a novelty, and despite the growing number of men embracing full-time parenting, we sometimes clash with traditional gender expectations. The comments we receive can range from innocent to downright offensive. Whether at the park, supermarket, or during a doctor’s visit, unsolicited opinions are never far behind. While many individuals, especially women, commend our choices, there are plenty who seem to question our roles.
Here are eight comments to steer clear of when speaking to a stay-at-home dad. This list is just the beginning!
1. “Is your wife the one in charge?”
Just because I’m at home doesn’t mean I’ve relinquished control in my relationship. My partner and I see our marriage as a true collaboration—both of us play an active role. And honestly, I tend to spend my mornings in my underwear playing with my son. If folks think my wife is the dominant one, that’s fine with me; after all, she literally does wear pants!
2. “Did you get laid off?”
It might be hard to wrap your mind around a man voluntarily choosing to stay home, but not every stay-at-home dad is there due to job loss or incompetence. Consider this: masculinity isn’t defined by employment status! Stay-at-home dads are still men, whether they’re working or at home with their kids. Let’s not make assumptions about our professional worth.
3. “Are you trying to break gender norms?”
Nope, I’m not aiming to make a statement about gender roles. I’m simply doing what’s best for my family. While my partner is an amazing mother, my temperament matches the challenges of being a stay-at-home parent. From the moment I rise until late afternoon, I’m dodging flying toys and navigating toddler tantrums. It’s a tough gig, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything—maybe just a fun badge to wear!
4. “When are you going back to work?”
Have you ever spent a day with a toddler? If you’re asking that, I’m guessing you haven’t! Keeping up with young children is utterly exhausting and certainly the hardest job I’ve ever had. It comes with no paycheck or benefits, and if nap time is skipped, it’s a whole new level of chaos.
5. “Isn’t it strange to let your wife be the breadwinner?”
Let me tell you: outdated gender roles are so last century! If you feel uncomfortable with a woman earning more, that’s your issue, not mine. True masculinity is about doing what’s best for the family, not adhering to societal expectations.
6. “Are you babysitting?”
This question is incredibly frustrating. You’d never ask a woman that! I’m actively parenting my child, which is a responsibility every father should embrace. Babysitting is for teenagers looking to earn some extra cash—not for dads spending quality time with their kids.
7. “Are you Mr. Mom?”
I’m not Mr. Mom; that title was amusing two decades ago but now feels outdated. I’m just a dad who cares for his children without needing to redefine my gender. Let’s put that term to rest.
8. “You must have so much free time; do you just watch TV all day?”
I might catch an hour of TV while hanging out with my son, but we mainly watch shows like Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood and Curious George. In the early days, my only “me time” was during nap time, which often turned into a much-needed power nap for me too!
Next time someone questions my choice to be a stay-at-home dad, I might just borrow a line from my buddy, who humorously claims, “I retired at 35 after winning the lottery.”
In summary, there are many things to consider when discussing the role of stay-at-home dads. It’s important to be sensitive and respectful of their choices and experiences.