A Child’s Tragedy Scale for When Their World Feels Like It’s Ending

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When my eldest daughter, Lily, was just 7, I decided to take her and my friend’s daughter, Mia, to a concert. While Mia towered over Lily, who was still in her booster seat, I didn’t think much of it when Mia switched to a booster without a back. But I soon found out that this seemingly minor change would lead to what felt like an apocalypse. Within minutes, Lily was in tears, exclaiming, “You have no idea how it feels to be the shortest one in the car!” Ah, the joys of parenting.

Children experience dramatic emotional upheavals with surprising regularity, and I’m not just referring to the typical toddler tantrums. I mean those moments in childhood where they seem far too old to be having such intense reactions, yet here we are. Perhaps they misplaced a beloved toy or their favorite cereal is suddenly gone—whatever the cause, kids can throw fits that rival any toddler meltdown.

Fortunately, as they grow out of the toddler phase, most of these emotional explosions occur behind closed doors. The downside? You miss out on knowing that other kids are just as emotionally volatile. But I have a close circle of friends who also share stories of their seemingly well-behaved children losing it over small incidents—crying, wailing, and everything in between.

As a parent, I’ve tried many approaches to manage these “end-of-the-world” moments. Compassion can sometimes help, but it often fails to cool their tempers. A logical approach may work for some, but given the irrational nature of many of these outbursts, logic tends to backfire. And while punishment is an option, it feels unjust to discipline a child for expressing strong emotions.

The real challenge isn’t a child being upset over a dropped ice cream cone; it’s the intensity of their emotional response. This inspired us to create a Tragedy Scale to help our kids evaluate the severity of their situations. A minor disappointment—like a broken banana—earns a score of 1, while a true catastrophe—such as losing a pet—scores a 10. Everything else falls somewhere in between.

We collaborated with the kids to generate examples for each number on the scale, providing clarity on how to assess their feelings. Here’s a peek at the scale we created:

1. Dad breaks your banana into pieces instead of slicing it like Mom would.
2. We run out of your favorite macaroni noodles.
3. You can’t find your favorite shirt.
4. You can’t locate your beloved toy.
5. Someone tears the blanket you’ve cherished since babyhood.
6. You stub your toe really hard.
7. You crash your bicycle.
8. You crash your bicycle and end up with a broken leg.
9. Your pet passes away.
10. An earthquake destroys your home, and your entire family is lost.

While this list isn’t exhaustive, and the last two examples might be too extreme for some kids, it serves to highlight the contrast between their everyday woes and actual tragedies. My kids often have candid conversations about death, so I felt comfortable including those more serious scenarios. It helps them recognize that their reactions to minor inconveniences might be exaggerated when compared to true catastrophes.

For instance, I might say, “You’re reacting like it’s a 9 to a situation that’s really just a 2 on our Tragedy Scale. Let’s dial it back a bit.” While this doesn’t always resolve the situation completely, it usually helps them see the disproportionate nature of their responses and take a moment to breathe.

Feel free to give this approach a try. You might just find it preserves your sanity while helping your children navigate their emotions more effectively. For even more insights into the parenting journey, check out this blog for some great advice. And if you’re looking for fertility solutions, visit this resource for expert insights. Additionally, consider checking out NHS’s IVF resource for comprehensive information on pregnancy and home insemination.

In summary, creating a Tragedy Scale can empower kids to better gauge their emotional responses, helping them learn when it’s appropriate to be upset and when to take a step back.