I’m the Parent Who Chooses Not to Drink

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I’ve made the choice not to drink, and it all stems from my upbringing. My father had a serious drinking problem, and during my high school years, he spent a significant amount of time in jail for DUI offenses. I vividly remember him showing up at my graduation, intoxicated and struggling to climb the auditorium stairs. I even bailed him out of jail using the money I earned from my pizza job. His premature death at 49 hit me hard; back then, I thought that was old, but now in my 30s, I realize just how young he was. He missed witnessing my accomplishments, my marriage, and the joy of being a grandparent. I often reflect on how he should still be here.

Although I’ve experimented with alcohol in the past, I stopped drinking after I got married. When I did drink, it felt uncomfortable, reminding me constantly of my father’s struggles. My wife and I made a conscious decision to remain alcohol-free as we began our parenting journey. We adopted some Mormon practices before our wedding, which helped connect us with like-minded parents. However, as a father of three and a parenting blogger, I often find myself as the odd one out. One of my coworkers enjoys his evening “papa juice,” proclaiming that it helps him cope with bedtime chaos. I can see the appeal; there are moments when I feel overwhelmed and could use something to ease the stress of parenting.

I often see jokes and memes about moms enjoying wine, and I can’t help but recall a scene from Christmas Vacation where Clark asks his father how he survived the holidays. His father replies, “I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.” Sometimes, I think I could use a little help like that, especially during the hectic holiday season. When I go out with other parents, I find myself the only one with a soda in hand, the only one not indulging in a drink.

Not drinking has cost me some friendships. I’ve had people thrust alcohol into my hands, convinced that a drink would make my life easier or our conversations more enjoyable. As a sober parent, I find this notion frustrating and a bit ridiculous. I often get asked how I manage to parent without alcohol, as if my sobriety is some kind of superpower. I explain my reasons, sharing my father’s story and my beliefs. Some parents understand, but many don’t. It seems that for some, there’s never a valid reason not to drink, which can be unsettling.

I’ve even had a friend jokingly ask if I’m a monk. People assume my life must be dull without alcohol, but honestly, parenting is anything but boring. I can genuinely say I haven’t missed a moment with my kids. I experience everything with a clear mind, fully aware of all the highs and lows. I feel every stressor, every bit of love and affection, without anything clouding my experience. I don’t yearn for a night out with drinks; I save money and avoid the anxiety of my kids sneaking alcohol like I once did. I’m free from the fear of alcohol tearing my family apart, as it did with my parents.

Ultimately, my choice is shaped by my past. I understand that for some, a drink might seem like a way to unwind, but I simply can’t go there. The reality is that being a non-drinking parent can feel isolating. Sometimes it seems as if other parents view me with suspicion or hesitate to invite me over, worried that I’ll be the sober one at the party.

If you have a friend who doesn’t drink, please acknowledge their choice. They made a personal decision for a reason, and it deserves respect. They’re not strange or untrustworthy; they simply choose not to drink. There’s no need to push them or assume they’ll have more fun if they indulge. Accept them as they are—this is a good friend to have. They have their reasons, and those reasons are valid.

For more insights on parenting and related topics, you can check out other articles on our blog, like the one on home insemination. It’s an excellent resource for those navigating the path to parenthood.

In summary, choosing not to drink as a parent stems from personal experiences and beliefs. While it can feel isolating at times, it’s a conscious choice that allows for a clearer, more engaged parenting experience. Respecting the choices of non-drinking parents fosters understanding and strengthens friendships.