I have a significant character flaw—an easily triggered temper. When mixed with my perfectionistic tendencies, which I strive to overcome but often find myself slipping back into, it leads to moments where I’m undeniably in the wrong.
I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve had to apologize to my children for outbursts that could rival their most dramatic tantrums during their terrible twos. Now that they are in their tweens and teens, our lives can get quite chaotic and stressful, resulting in more shouting than I’d like to admit. However, I believe it’s crucial to address this issue.
Growing up in a household filled with yelling, I can’t recall ever hearing my parents apologize. As a child, that left me feeling diminished, as if my feelings didn’t matter. Consequently, I entered parenting believing my word was absolute. It took years, along with seeing the same hurt reflected in my children’s eyes, to understand that they needed to hear me say I was sorry.
There are varied opinions on whether parents should apologize to their kids. Personally, I believe we absolutely should. Here’s why:
1. Apologizing Teaches Children How to Express Remorse
When they make a mistake, we often prompt them with, “You need to say you’re sorry.” Kids learn not just from our words, but also from our actions. By acknowledging when I’m wrong and apologizing, I demonstrate the when, why, and how of saying sorry. This real-life example has a far greater impact than mere instruction.
2. Apologizing Conveys Respect for Our Children
They are not just kids; they are individuals deserving of acknowledgment. If I can express regret to an adult, I should extend the same courtesy to my children. Failing to do so suggests that they are not worthy of my apology, and I never want them to feel that way.
3. Apologizing Keeps Us Humble and Open to Growth
I find joy in the continuous learning that comes with parenting. Mistakes are opportunities for growth, and I view my apologies as lessons learned. Remaining teachable is a quality I strive to uphold.
4. Apologizing Shows That Parents Are Fallible Too
Just like our kids, we are human and prone to errors. I want my children to understand that even the person they admire most can make mistakes and take steps to correct them.
I know I will continue to make mistakes as both a person and a parent. The important thing is to remember to apologize when it’s warranted. It’s simply the right thing to do.
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In summary, acknowledging our faults and apologizing to our children not only fosters respect and humility but also teaches them valuable life lessons about accountability and empathy.