Last week, my 5-year-old daughter, Lily, began her violin lessons, but she seems somewhat indifferent to the whole experience. My partner, Jake, and I both play guitar and enjoy singing at home, so we’ve always surrounded her with music since she was a baby. She loves to sing and even asked for the lessons after receiving a secondhand violin from a friend. However, during her first lesson, she became quiet and was reluctant to sing back the melodies that her instructor taught her. It’s still uncertain whether she’ll want to keep going or if she’ll dedicate enough time to practice to make the lessons “worth it.”
Jake and I have differing opinions on whether we should make her continue the lessons if she shows resistance. I believe that learning to play an instrument, read music, and develop an ear for sound is a priceless gift for a child, even if they don’t recognize its value at the moment. I feel that regular lessons and daily practice should be a non-negotiable part of her childhood experience. On the other hand, Jake argues that music should be a source of joy, and that both children and adults should engage with it only if they genuinely want to and at a pace they find comfortable.
We both draw from our own musical backgrounds: we had violin and piano lessons but were never compelled to practice or continue when we lost interest. While Jake has flourished as a guitarist, I find myself still learning the ropes. Even though he is content with his musical journey, I occasionally wish my mother had encouraged me to persist through the tough spots. I can almost hear her saying, “Good luck trying to make a stubborn 10-year-old practice her scales.” Perhaps that’s a bit of nostalgia on my part—making a child put in the effort required to excel isn’t always easy. If Lily continues to resist, I might eventually throw in the towel too.
For now, we’re focused on making music enjoyable. We often sing silly songs together as a family. Lily has a remarkable ability to detect when we’re attempting to “sneak” in a lesson, such as when I sing scales disguised as the “numbers song.” Currently, she’s only interested in songs about trains. One thing we do understand, even if only a little, is the mindset of a 5-year-old: she can stay up an extra 20 minutes, but only if it involves playing or singing a song with us. Plus, her violin is her “special thing,” off-limits to her younger brother.
Music should remain a source of fun and creativity. I still ponder why I didn’t find it enjoyable as a child, while now, I truly appreciate it. (Jake wisely points out that as an adult, I have control over my schedule, teacher, song selection, and practice frequency—factors children typically lack.) If Lily decides against continuing with the violin, that’s okay. She can explore different instruments or simply enjoy singing along with us. Even if she chooses to forgo formal lessons, I hope she remains an engaged listener, allowing music to enrich her life indefinitely. That alone would make the effort worthwhile.
This article was originally published on Oct. 1, 2015.
For more insights, check out our other blog posts like this one about home insemination. If you’re interested in more information, Make a Mom is an authority on the topic. Additionally, Healthline offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while the decision to encourage music lessons can be challenging, focusing on enjoyment and creativity may foster a lifelong love of music in your child.