Updated: Jan. 14, 2016
Originally Published: Oct. 1, 2015
Every morning, just as I’m beginning to wake up, a mental ticker starts running behind my eyelids. It’s an unending scroll of tasks I must accomplish that day. First up, of course, is lifting my wailing toddler from the crib, followed by changing diapers, brewing my morning coffee, and preparing breakfast for my boys. Don’t forget to put on pants and drink more coffee!
Next comes the mental checklist for getting the kids ready for school: brushing teeth, packing lunches, signing permission slips. I remind myself to take a shower—or at least wash my face, put in my contact lenses, and eat something. Once the boys are off to school, a fresh list appears: clean the kitchen, get dressed, and prepare for my work-from-home day. Even when I find myself in the groove of work, my mind interrupts with reminders: buy rain boots for my older son, plan dinner, and take donations to Goodwill.
Sometimes, I wish I could just turn off my brain or at least mute this incessant to-do list, which feels like a constant, irritating reminder ringing every few seconds. I often find myself muttering to myself: pack a snack, call the pediatrician for flu shots, don’t forget deodorant, rotate the tires, and order Halloween supplies. Did I confirm that meeting? Is it dinnertime yet? Oh, I need to make dinner.
While some may experience “intrusive thoughts” due to obsessive-compulsive disorder or anxiety, I can’t help but feel that my to-do list is an annoyingly persistent interruption. It’s always there, and it never runs out. When I eventually meet St. Peter, I’ll have to ask him to hold on a moment so I can cross off “get to Heaven” and add “research dining options in Heaven.”
Even when I consciously try to unwind, like reading a book instead of doing another load of laundry or scrubbing the bathroom, the to-do list lingers, quietly perched on my shoulder. I can tell myself, “You’re reading, so relax,” but that nagging sensation looms—any time I take for myself only means more tasks tomorrow.
Is this the reality of motherhood? Will my to-do list ever shrink? Each weekend begins with a list of chores (last weekend’s task: clear out the home office for actual usability) and ends with just as many items still pending (“keep working on cleaning out the home office”).
I can’t believe my family is uniquely slow; surely others must face similar productivity challenges. The truth is, there’s simply too much to manage for just two adults. Non-urgent repairs get postponed, and I’m still in maternity clothes two years after giving birth because I haven’t found the time to shop. The kids’ clothing alone demands constant attention, as they grow out of things every few months, needing fresh items while I sort the old ones for storage or donation. Meal planning, shopping, and prep feel like an endless cycle, even with all the supposed time-saving hacks (which, of course, is another item on my to-do list: “learn how to cook efficiently”). Attempting to clean while supervising the kids is a challenge; as any parent knows, your toddler might be quietly dismantling the printer while you’re trying to organize the office.
Perhaps things will improve when my children are older and require less of my constant attention. Maybe one day I’ll be able to work efficiently from my home office. Maybe someday I’ll finally be able to silence this nagging to-do list!
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Summary
This article reflects the relentless nature of motherhood, capturing the endless to-do lists that accompany daily life. It explores the struggle to find balance and personal time amidst constant responsibilities, with a hopeful outlook for the future.