I Don’t Have a Million Friends, and That’s Perfectly Fine

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As the leaves transform into vibrant shades of orange and the sound of acorns clattering on metal roofs fills the air, nostalgic memories come flooding back. Summer feels like a distant memory, and backpacks are laden with books, heralding the return of school nights and the anticipation of Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks.

Scrolling through my social media feed, I often reflect on the person I used to be. Making friends has never come easily to me; this struggle began on my very first day of kindergarten.

I can still recall the overwhelming scent of childhood in that classroom, where everything seemed enormous. If I were to step back into that space today, I would tower over those tiny chairs, like Alice after drinking from the potion that made her grow. Perhaps we all feel like children in adult bodies, still searching for acceptance and connection. I continue to look for my tribe—those who share my quirky sense of humor and understand the sting of hurtful words.

In choosing my friends, I don’t impose limits based on social status, religion, or race. All I require is that they are human beings who breathe and feel, just like me.

It’s been almost three decades since I made my first friend, someone I chose to sit next to on that fateful first day of school. Our teacher assigned us to tables based on our shirt colors, allowing me the freedom to select my spot. Most of the other kids rushed toward their tables, but I hesitated, unsure of where to go.

Eventually, the teacher approached me, and I found myself alone in the middle of the classroom. In that moment of indecision, I noticed a boy sitting by himself at a small rectangular table. I felt a pull towards him and chose his table. That choice turned out to be one of the best I ever made. We chatted, colored, and enjoyed each other’s company without the noise of competing friendships.

However, not long after, I fell ill with scarlet fever and was forced to miss school for over a week. During my recovery, I worried about my friend and who was sitting with him at our table. Upon my return, I discovered he had been moved to a larger table, and I had joined him there. The dynamics changed; I found it harder to connect with the new kids. Yet, my friendship with that boy endured all the way through high school.

Now, as I browse through pictures of friends, I sometimes feel a twinge of sadness at the absence of large group photos—those cheerful snapshots where everyone piles together like happy sardines. My circle consists of just two friends, including myself. But I think back to that small table in kindergarten, where a genuine connection blossomed between two kids. I’ve realized that having two close friends, with whom I can share meaningful conversations, is far more valuable than a crowd of acquaintances.

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In the end, the quality of friendships matters more than quantity. It’s about the depth of connection, not the number of faces in a photograph.

Summary

The article reflects on the author’s journey with friendship, highlighting the importance of meaningful connections over the number of friends. It recounts childhood experiences, the struggle to make friends, and the value of intimate relationships. The author concludes that having a few close friends is far more fulfilling than being part of a large group.