Cliché Alert: The last twelve months have been an absolute whirlwind!
It all began when I welcomed a tiny human into the world last August. Six months later, we packed our bags and relocated from the quiet countryside of Maryland to the bustling streets of NYC. I started a new job. My partner found a new position. We attended what felt like an unending number of weddings (264, but who’s counting?), drove countless miles, and let’s just say my hair has seen better days.
Now, that tiny human is a roly-poly toddler getting ready to celebrate their first birthday. Here are some lessons I’ve gathered about babies, parenting, and myself during this incredible journey:
- Babies don’t need nearly as much stuff as the registry consultant at Buy Buy Baby might suggest. These folks are like ninjas, striking at your emotional vulnerabilities as a new parent. We managed to keep our baby happy without fancy wipe warmers or four bouncy chairs—just one did the trick!
- I’m convinced that 99.9% of children’s TV shows are concocted by mischievous souls on sedatives. Instead, I recommend substituting with the Food Network or HGTV whenever you can. By the time my kid turns two, I hope they’ll be able to cook gourmet meals and handle some home improvement projects.
- Always shield your newborn’s “danger zone” during diaper changes—unless you enjoy being unexpectedly showered with bodily fluids first thing in the morning.
- Don’t stress about other babies’ milestones. Every child develops at their own pace. If there’s a genuine concern, your pediatrician will let you know. So, feel free to ignore anyone who questions why your 10-month-old isn’t crawling yet—trust me, they just don’t get it.
- Mealtimes are like being front row at a Gallagher show once your baby starts eating “solid” (read: mushy) food. Expect to wear a bib or a rain poncho. I guarantee most of their breakfast will end up on you, and you’ll probably have an important meeting afterward.
- If you want to sleep again, get your baby into their own bed and on a schedule as soon as possible. Experts agree that children thrive on routines, and teaching your baby how to sleep can restore some sanity. Thanks to our efforts, our little one has been a champion sleeper since she was two months old.
- Finding childcare is an absolute nightmare. It’s like a more torturous version of dating. Whether you’re interviewing nannies, trying to keep the one you have, or navigating the waiting list for daycare, be prepared to lose your mind and your savings.
- NYC playgrounds on a hot summer day feel like a scene from hell; hot, loud, and filled with dirt-covered kids climbing all over each other.
- If you don’t already have friends with kids, find some! They’ll provide invaluable support and advice, and they can hold a conversation even amidst the chaos of screaming children.
- Your baby will inevitably roll off the couch or bed, no matter how vigilant you are. It’s going to happen, likely while you’re distracted by your phone. Fortunately, kids are pretty resilient, but a few pillows on the floor never hurt!
- If you have hardwood floors, attach Swiffer cloths to your baby’s hands and knees when they start crawling—voilà, a DIY Roomba!
- Remove the batteries from the TV remote before letting your child go wild with it—your DVR settings will thank you.
- Skip the pricey baby toys. Everyday items like kitchen utensils, empty bottles, and paper bags will entertain your little one far longer than any toy ever could (which translates to about 50 seconds).
- Anyone who captures a year’s worth of monthly photos with those cute stickers deserves an award. I lost mine in the chaos of moving—game over. When I had them, I’m pretty sure the months were a blur, with months four and five captured just weeks apart.
- If you’ve ever judged another parent during a public tantrum, karma will come back with a vengeance. I now have a little screamer who sounds like a dolphin—just when I thought I was doing everything right. It’s a phase, I’m told, but just try to keep her quiet!
- Forget the fancy teething toys—nothing beats a wet washcloth for relief. If that fails, there’s always Tylenol.
- Puff snacks are like baby candy. Once your child has a tooth, never leave home without them.
- Germs are inevitable. Everything within reach will make its way into their mouth, from your phone to the dog’s tail. Eventually, you’ll adopt a new motto: “Eh, it builds the immune system.”
- Take your baby everywhere, including bars. We try to expose our child to as many environments as possible, hoping she’ll prefer happy hour over Chuck E. Cheese.
- In the first year, don’t do something foolish like skip birth control, down three martinis, and tell your partner, “Don’t worry, I’m not ovulating,” only to find yourself panicking in the drugstore with a baby strapped to your chest, clutching multiple pregnancy tests.
- While social media often showcases new moms who feel overwhelming love the moment their child is born, I didn’t experience that. The early weeks were confusing and overwhelming. I felt disconnected. It’s okay to admit that. I recommend talking to someone about it if you can relate. It took time for me to bond with my little one, and now that bond is incredibly strong, even if she only says “Dada” for now.
And guess what? I don’t want to pause time. As she grows, she gets cooler every day. But let’s be real—I could use her to start contributing to the rent soon! Parenting might not necessarily get easier, but it definitely becomes more entertaining as time goes on.
Summary
The first year of parenthood is a whirlwind of experiences and lessons. From the realities of baby products to the chaos of mealtimes, each moment is a chance to learn. Embrace the journey, seek support from fellow parents, and remember that every child develops at their own pace. Ultimately, it’s all about finding joy in the chaos and watching your little one grow.