Navigating the Friend Zone: A Journey to Find My New Bestie

At 50 years old and after nearly three decades of marriage, I find myself in the unique position of searching for a new friend—specifically, a BFF. It feels a lot like dating, minus the romantic undertones.

My long-standing best friends from childhood, who have been by my side through thick and thin, are scattered across the Northeast, from Virginia to Maine. These women have supported me through everything: from awkward teenage years to major life changes. They were there for weekend get-togethers, road trips, concerts, and those late-night ice cream runs that felt like they could solve any problem. My vintage crew has witnessed every chapter of my life, both the highlights and the not-so-glamorous moments (trust me, those ’80s hairstyles still haunt me). If only we lived closer, I have no doubt we would still be enjoying regular catch-ups over cocktails and the latest rom-coms.

However, my local social circle has dwindled significantly over the past 18 years, especially as a stay-at-home mom and homeschooler. With playdates and parenting groups now part of the past, many of my mommy friends have drifted away. And now that my child has transitioned to public school, I’m out of touch with many of the homeschooling moms. On top of that, as I re-enter the freelance writing world, I miss the built-in connections that come with a traditional job. What’s a socially starved woman to do?

Enter the “Friendship Game”

No host is necessary, but the concept remains the same: meet new people, ask questions, and find a match.

Phase 1: Dive In

I decided to take the plunge by joining a few local groups, hoping to rekindle my social life. As an introvert, this was no easy task. I felt like I needed a life raft—or at least a giant pool noodle—to keep my nerves at bay in these unfamiliar situations. But I was determined to make it work!

Phase 2: Build the Excitement

With two active teenagers, our family calendar is a colorful chaos, tracking who needs rides, who’s skipping dinner, and who suddenly needs cash for some last-minute event. Ironically, my entries were mostly a sad blue (indicating my lack of social engagements). One lonely blue entry highlighted my upcoming dentist appointment—yikes! To remedy this, I boldly added “Girls’ Night Out” in big, bright letters. The anticipation was exhilarating!

Phase 3: Get Ready

The night of my “friend date” arrived: Bunco night, where drinks and dice promised more excitement than my usual evening of laundry and games on my phone. As I prepared, I faced a classic dilemma: what to wear? I needed to strike the right balance between age-appropriate and not looking like I just stepped out of a time capsule from the ‘90s.

My wardrobe was a mix of church attire, outdated office wear, and comfy casuals. I desperately searched for something fresh and trendy, but settled for a couple of “timeless” pieces from my comfy collection—think a striped top and some forgettable pants.

Phase 4: Make an Entrance

Upon arriving at Bunco, I quickly scanned the room. Great news—no one looked like they had serial killer tendencies! After a couple of glasses of wine, everyone seemed friendly, which is why pre-alcohol assessments are so crucial.

As the evening unfolded, I mingled with about a dozen women, all eager to escape the confines of their homes and enjoy some fun. We swapped stories about career changes, personal struggles, and health challenges, all while keeping it light-hearted—after all, it was our first encounter. Appetizers were shared, drinks were clinked, and laughter filled the air.

By the end of the evening, not everyone made the cut. The woman who never cracked a smile and the one who seemed to carry an emotional storm with her were not my ideal BFF candidates. But the highlight? I walked away with two new phone numbers. Looks like I’m set for a second round!

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Summary

Finding new friendships can feel daunting, especially after years of a close-knit circle. But by taking the plunge into local groups and engaging in social events, it’s possible to forge new connections that can fill the void. With a little preparation and openness, the journey to discover a new best friend can lead to exciting new relationships worth exploring.