When I discovered I was expecting twin girls, I was overwhelmed with joy. Our son, who was nearly two, brought us so much happiness, and I had always dreamed of having daughters. I often playfully told my mother that I might secretly be a twin, hoping to find my long-lost counterpart one day.
However, along with that joy came a wave of anxiety. I learned that daughters of mothers who struggle with eating disorders are significantly more prone to developing similar issues. Even though I have mostly overcome my own battle with anorexia, I couldn’t shake the fear of passing down my food and body image struggles to my precious girls. I refuse to let that happen.
Promises to My Daughters
So, to my daughters, I make these heartfelt promises:
- I promise that when we look in the mirror together, my focus will be on your beautiful smiles, not on your weight or my own. I’ll be checking for spinach in your teeth or a skirt caught in your underwear, but never your size.
- I promise that during our family dinners, we’ll all share the same delicious meal. No more filling my plate with bland vegetables while yours is overflowing with pasta. We’ll savor our food together, celebrate it, and understand that food is not our adversary.
- I promise to remind you how incredible your bodies are—capable of amazing feats—regardless of their shape. Your health and strength will always be more important than societal standards of beauty.
- When we discuss other women, I pledge that our conversations will be rooted in kindness and understanding, avoiding any shaming language. Words like “fat” or “ugly” will never find a place in our discussions. I will celebrate your uniqueness without comparing you to anyone else, especially not to each other.
- If others make hurtful comments about your appearance, I’ll be there to support you. Their words will not define who you are. I’ll comfort you when you’re upset, and while my instinct might be to confront those people, I know you’ll have the strength to rise above.
- I promise that when life gets tough and I feel tempted to retreat into old habits of denial and restriction, I will fight against those urges. I recognize that the few pounds I might think I can control are nothing compared to the lasting impact I could have on you.
- If you ever express a desire to diet, I’ll be here to have an open conversation. I may panic inside, fearing for your well-being, but I won’t let that fear dictate our dialogue. Together, we will navigate those feelings, and dieting will not be an option for you.
- I promise that scales will never have a place in our home. You will not measure your worth by a number.
- When I struggle with my own body image, I will keep those thoughts to myself, ensuring you don’t hear me voice any negative feelings about my appearance. You will grow up surrounded by love and acceptance, free from my past.
- One day, I’ll share my story with you. I’ll recount how my college years were overshadowed by malnutrition and the struggle for survival in a psychiatric rehabilitation center. I hope that by sharing my experiences, you’ll understand why I am so committed to protecting you from the same fate.
Rest assured, the anorexia that has plagued me for years will never touch you. I’m here to fight it, and it’s my battle alone. I promise.
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Summary
This heartfelt piece outlines a mother’s commitment to protect her daughters from the eating disorder struggles that she faced. She makes promises to promote body positivity, encourage healthy eating habits, and create an environment free from the pressures of dieting and negative body image. By openly discussing her past experiences, she aims to shield her daughters from the same challenges, emphasizing love and acceptance.