I once thought I was the ultimate wife. When we first tied the knot, my marriage was my highest priority. I focused on the little things—swinging by the store to grab my partner’s favorite craft beer, offering unexpected massages, and happily handing over the remote when his favorite soccer match came on, even if it meant missing my beloved reality shows.
People warned me that everything would shift once we welcomed a baby. While I understood the concept, I couldn’t fathom putting anyone above my husband—he was my everything. But then, two years into our marriage, we welcomed a beautiful baby boy.
Take a wild guess who now holds the top spot. Unfortunately, when your partner gets demoted to number two, it often leads to a lot of yelling. Before you rush to set up a support group for verbally challenged husbands of new moms or offer him a place to crash, let me explain something. Yes, it’s tough that I shout at him almost daily. But trust me, being the one doing the shouting is equally, if not more, exhausting.
The once-calm wife I was—who rarely raised her voice because life before the baby was pretty chill—has transformed into a frenzied individual who sometimes yells until she loses her voice (and her sanity). Here are my top six reasons for raising my voice at my partner:
- I Can’t Yell at the Baby.
I’d estimate that about 90% of the time I’m yelling at my partner, it’s about the baby. Let’s face it, unless you’re a monster, you can’t yell at a sweet, helpless infant for the chaos they bring. So, I vent my frustrations on my husband, believing that it’s his DNA causing all the trouble. The baby woke up every hour last night for reasons unknown. The baby spit up all over my work clothes when I was already late. The baby screamed at me all day, and because I’m not heartless, I couldn’t yell back. - I Can’t Yell at My Boss or Coworkers.
I’m quite fortunate to enjoy my job as a writer and editor for a major financial institution. The reason I love it has little to do with the work itself and everything to do with my fantastic team. They’re understanding and value work-life balance. But let’s be real—spending 40 hours a week with the same people can lead to some irritation. When that happens, who do I yell at? My husband, of course. Seems logical, right? - I Haven’t Eaten All Day.
I embody the term “hangry.” My partner learned early on that once I say I’m hungry, he has a limited time to feed me before I transform into a grumpy, whiny individual. Juggling feeding the baby, who relies on me for nourishment, means I often neglect my own meals. There have been countless occasions when I glance at the clock, only to realize it’s late afternoon and I’ve barely eaten anything aside from a few dry snacks. Heaven help my husband if he arrives home without a snack in hand. - I Haven’t Slept in Ages.
Make that months. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and during the early months of my baby’s life, I felt like a prisoner in my own home. I was so exhausted that I could barely function. My husband and I spent months in a fog of exhaustion, constantly arguing about who would wake up with the baby. If he hesitated, I didn’t just yell—I lost it completely. I could hardly articulate my thoughts, yet somehow, I managed to hurl accusations at my bewildered husband in the dead of night, because if neither of us was sleeping, we were both in this miserable boat together. - I Didn’t Get to Run.
I never realized how much running defined my mood until I became a mom. Before the baby, my husband was keenly aware that I turned moody without my running fix. He would suggest I head out for a jog, and after some procrastination, I’d put on my shoes and feel rejuvenated within half an hour. Now, with a baby demanding my attention, finding time to run feels impossible. Exercise? Yeah, that’s a luxury for new moms. - He Forgives Me.
Marriage is a challenge, and adding a newborn amplifies that challenge exponentially. It demands resilience and compassion, alongside a vast supply of forgiveness. Despite all the yelling and disagreements, my partner consistently forgives me. Each time. I know this phase won’t last forever, and I’m aware that our marriage is currently undergoing one of the toughest tests it will ever face. But when the shouting subsides, and our baby is being adorably sweet, we share a joy we never knew possible.
In those fleeting moments, laying together on a Sunday morning with my husband, baby, and dog, all snuggled up, I realize the happiness we’ve created amidst the chaos. Sure, I might yell at him again soon after, but before I let it spoil my day and start feeling like the world’s worst partner, I remember point No. 6. Always point No. 6.
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Summary:
This article highlights the challenges of parenting, particularly the shift in dynamics after welcoming a baby. It explores the reasons a new mom may find herself yelling at her partner, including sleep deprivation, hunger, and the struggle to maintain personal identity while juggling responsibilities. Despite the chaos, the piece emphasizes the importance of forgiveness in marriage and the moments of joy that make it all worthwhile.