When I was just 20, I found myself facing an unexpected pregnancy. For the first eleven weeks, I tried to convince myself it wasn’t real. I avoided pregnancy tests at the store and made excuses for my missed periods. My body was changing, but I couldn’t bring myself to confront it. I thought if I ignored it long enough, it would disappear. Yet, a deep sense of unease loomed over me, manifesting in restless nights filled with dreams of an ominous figure.
Eventually, I confided in my closest friend, Mia. She was heartbroken for both me and the potential life I carried. Still, with her support, I managed to arrange for an abortion, and she drove me to the clinic, providing care and comfort afterward. That moment happened 24 years ago, and while I haven’t hidden my experience, I also haven’t made it widely known—until recently.
Last month, I came across an insightful piece by Katha Pollitt in The New York Times titled “How to Really Defend Planned Parenthood.” She highlighted that nearly one in three American women has gone through a termination, yet their individual stories are rarely shared. Pollitt urged those of us who have benefited from the legal right to abortion to start speaking out.
Inspired, I took the plunge and posted on Facebook about my experience. I expressed my gratitude to Planned Parenthood for the essential services they provide to individuals from all backgrounds. Crafting that post was a struggle; I spent days contemplating its potential consequences, especially the impact it could have on my family. I discussed it with my husband, Alex, sharing my fears of backlash and how I worried about how it might affect those I love.
We reflected on my reasons for wanting to speak out. I recognized that while I had made mistakes in getting pregnant when I wasn’t prepared to be a mother, I had also been incredibly fortunate—fortunate to live in a country where abortion is safe and legal, to have access to compassionate care, and to be able to afford it. At this point in my life, remaining silent felt like a disservice to women who hadn’t had the same opportunities, yet felt just as desperate as I once did at 20. Alex listened intently, and with a gentle affirmation, he encouraged me to share my story. It was a turning point for me.
The reaction to my post was overwhelmingly positive. I received heartfelt responses from longtime friends and supportive family members. A brief note from the father of my childhood best friend touched me deeply. However, when a high school acquaintance chimed in with his opposing views on abortion funding and late-term procedures, my heart sank. I had always admired him but never truly knew his stance on such matters. Taking a deep breath, I read his comment.
While it was clear we disagreed on the larger issue of abortion, his tone was respectful and sincere. I had braced myself for harsh criticism but found a thoughtful exchange instead. His response reminded me that amidst all the noise, there are opportunities for genuine dialogue—even with those who hold different beliefs.
Discussing personal experiences with abortion carries risks, yet every time we share, we open the door to meaningful conversations. Such discussions can only happen when all of us, regardless of our stance on the issue, feel safe being authentic. Often, online discussions about abortion are plagued with hostility, often from anonymous commentators. If we have opinions to share, especially if they challenge someone else’s values or beliefs, we should have the courage to do so under our real names.
At 20, I could never have imagined openly discussing my private struggles. Today, I want to reach back to that younger version of myself and reassure her that someday, she would find the strength to share her story, and someone would be there to listen and try to understand.
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Summary
Sharing my abortion story, after years of silence, opened up a meaningful dialogue about the experiences of women. Encouraged by Katha Pollitt’s call for transparency, I found support and understanding from many, even in the face of differing opinions. It’s vital for us to create safe spaces for these conversations, allowing us to connect and empathize with one another.