I consider myself fortunate; I genuinely cherish my mother-in-law. She embodies warmth, kindness, and thoughtfulness. She respects my space, refrains from judgment, and never dictates my choices. In fact, she has a wonderful way of showering me with love and attention.
Now, before you think I’m simply boasting, dear future daughter-in-law (or son-in-law, if that’s the case), let me share this: As the mother of a son, I’m gaining insights on how I aspire to be as your mother-in-law. My goal is to be the best version of myself in that role.
In chatting with friends, I’ve often heard the tales of daughters-in-law who have been hurt by mothers-in-law through passive-aggressive or outright critical comments. I’ve witnessed the eye rolls and heard the resigned sighs of, “Oh no, she’s coming to visit.”
My parents referred to each other’s moms as “Mom,” which felt completely natural, despite their deep affection for their own mothers. I hold no expectations for you; feel free to call me Emily. If you have children, you can call me Grandma. Just please avoid names that would imply hostility.
When it comes to children, I promise not to pressure you about starting a family. If you have one child, I won’t nag you about when you’ll have another or make you feel guilty for your choices. Someone once told me I couldn’t just have one child, and it really upset me.
I might indulge your kids a bit if you let me, but I promise to respect any dietary restrictions you have. I’ll take their allergies seriously and won’t let them binge-watch TV. I’m more than willing to babysit! Whether you choose to use cry-it-out methods or prefer a more nurturing approach, I support your choices. Trust me, there will be no shortage of opinions from others once you become a parent.
I know that to remain close to my son, I must also cultivate a relationship with the person he loves. I embrace you wholeheartedly and will love you like my own child if you allow me. If you have a strong bond with your mom, I won’t try to replace her. You already have one mom; I hope to be a friend—a friendly presence that enriches your life. Just ask, and I’ll be here.
So, I’m asking you now—wherever you are—to give me a chance. Don’t assume that all mothers-in-law are like the wicked stepmothers of fairy tales. I want you to know that I welcome you into our lives and that I’m not a competitor. If my son has chosen you, it’s because you are remarkable. We are allies in this journey.
I’ve seen men who, at the urging of their new partners, have distanced themselves from their mothers, causing heartbreak. It’s a thought I can barely comprehend, and it scares me.
At one point, I thought that having a boy would make life easier, avoiding the drama often associated with daughter relationships. However, I now realize the challenge of letting them soar as they grow, as they seem to leap from the nest before they’re fully ready. Boys face the pressure to become men, pushing themselves away from their families to discover who they are.
I want to share stories of my son’s childhood with you, from rocking him to sleep at night to the silly things he said as a toddler. I hope to share with you his dreams and milestones, filling in any gaps in the tales he’s told you from his childhood perspective.
I’m not here to hinder your journey; I’m here to celebrate you, listen to you, and help you—just as my mother-in-law does for me.
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In summary, I look forward to embracing you as a cherished member of our family, supporting your choices, and building a positive relationship.