At 5 a.m. on the first day of school, I wake with a jolt, feeling as if I’m the one stepping into middle school. It’s the thought of sending my children into fifth and seventh grades that has my stomach in knots and my mind racing. Why am I so anxious? My kids are fortunate to attend a supportive school that offers a nurturing environment and an abundance of personal attention, far beyond what many parents could wish for. For the most part, they are happy there; they’ve been at this school for years, and the only major change this fall is my younger daughter starting middle school—a transition her older sister has already navigated.
Yet here I am, tossing and turning, consumed by worry. My thoughts spiral through potential pitfalls they could encounter this year and all the things I haven’t done to ease their way. I’ve bought school supplies, new backpacks, sneakers, and sports gear. I’ve helped them pick out outfits for the first couple of days (including picture day!) and ensured they have proper shoes after a summer filled with flip-flops. Their favorite breakfast items are ready, their phones are charged, and we’ve gone over the bus schedule. By most standards, I’m a diligent parent who has prepared my kids well.
But then I remember I haven’t reached out to the seventh-grade learning specialist for my older daughter, as we’ve done in prior years. I don’t even know who that person is this time around. Will they be aware of her dyslexia and the challenges it brings? Furthermore, during orientation yesterday, I attended the fifth-grade meeting while missing out on the seventh-grade session, which was only for students and “new parents.” Now I’m left in the dark about her seventh-grade teachers. And what about the fact that we didn’t buy either child a smartphone? Will they be ostracized? My mind races with all these worries until I finally surrender and reach for the stack of books on my bedside table, hoping to find some distraction.
Lucky me! The first book I grab is How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims. I can’t recall how I heard of it, but it’s serendipitous that I picked it up today. Lythcott-Haims, a former dean at Stanford, discusses the modern parenting dilemma, highlighting how parents have shifted from “helicopter” to “lawnmower,” removing obstacles from their children’s paths. She argues that such over-involvement can hinder kids from developing the independence and resilience necessary for adulthood. In essence, we may be sabotaging our own efforts by trying to protect them too much.
As I read in the dim light, my stomach begins to relax. I remind myself that my own parents didn’t speak to teachers before the school year started or know every detail about my classes. They cared about my well-being but didn’t micromanage my education. I fondly recall my own teenage years, where I experienced a growing sense of independence—something that many of my peers also cherish from that time. So why is it so challenging for us to let our children carve out their own paths?
Lythcott-Haims emphasizes how fear can drive poor parenting choices, even when that fear stems from love. We worry our children will struggle without our constant support, but this anxiety can lead to the very issues we want to avoid. By trying to cushion every blow—especially during the tough middle school years—we may inadvertently prevent them from learning valuable coping skills and building the confidence they need.
One new experience for my daughters this year is receiving letter grades for the first time. I remember when my older daughter took her first graded Mandarin quiz in the fifth grade; she didn’t study much and seemed unconcerned. When I pressed her about it, she simply replied, “Mommy, I’ll live.” At the time, I worried she wasn’t taking her academics seriously enough. I shared my concerns with other parents, only to be cautioned that this lack of stress was actually a blessing. Their kids were crying nightly over grades and perfectionism.
Now, I frequently remind myself that I want my children to pursue their own ambitions—not mine. When they face setbacks, I’d rather they regroup than fall apart. Finding the right balance between supporting them and allowing them to navigate their own challenges is perhaps the greatest lesson in parenting tweens and teens. For parents like me, it’s undoubtedly the toughest challenge.
When my alarm goes off at 6:30, I put down my book and head to wake my daughters. After they’re on the bus, I share my morning epiphany online and receive messages from friends who were also awake since dawn, worrying about the new school year. Next September, we agree, we’ll meet for coffee at 5 a.m. on the first day of school—maybe the kids can handle their own breakfasts.
For more insights on navigating parenting and home insemination, check out our blog post on home insemination strategies. If you’re looking for ways to boost fertility, Make a Mom offers excellent resources too. And for a comprehensive guide to pregnancy treatments, visit WebMD.
Summary: As the new school year begins, parents often find themselves filled with anxiety about their children’s transitions and challenges. It’s essential to balance support with fostering independence, as children need to develop resilience and coping strategies. Reflecting on past parenting experiences can provide perspective, reminding us of the importance of allowing our kids to navigate their own journeys.