When my daughter was just 3 months old, I discovered the idea of elimination communication (EC), also known as infant potty training. Living in a cloth-diapering household without easy access to a laundromat made this concept particularly appealing to me. I was determined to give this a go.
Fast forward to 6 months old; I had learned to read her cues well enough that I made it a point to keep her diaper dry. Friends and family were fascinated by my little one’s progress. Little did I know what lay ahead.
By 9 months, we introduced baby sign language, and to my delight, she was able to sign when she needed to pee or poop. I thought, “She’s so clever! Potty training by her first birthday is totally achievable!” I was practically bursting with pride.
But then the tide turned. By the time she reached her first birthday, the struggle began. If I had shown her the sign for “no way,” she might as well have been flipping me off every time I rushed her to the toilet. At this age, she was aware that she was her own person, not just a cute trick for others to admire. Yet, I remained unyielding.
I touted the benefits of EC to anyone who would listen. I would share how often she was still using her potty—even though I was now creating sticker charts to encourage the behavior while simultaneously cleaning up messes off the floor. I wanted to avoid bribing her with candy, but stickers seemed harmless enough.
As time went on, the struggles intensified. By the time she was 2, I had long since given up on the blissful narrative of EC. Grocery store trips began to include a stop at the candy aisle—anything to encourage her to use the potty. M&Ms? Sure! Smarties? Of course! Whatever it took to get her to cooperate.
At 3, while she had mostly stopped pooping in her diaper, she still staunchly refused to pee on the toilet. I tried everything—begging, pleading, and even asking her, “Are you planning on wetting yourself in college?” It was clear she understood what was expected of her, and I started to question my decision to pursue this route.
Eventually, I decided to let go. I stopped insisting she use the potty, ceased the begging, and removed the sticker charts. She could choose whether to wear a diaper or underwear. Meanwhile, friends with younger children were celebrating their successes. I felt like a failure, but I made sure she didn’t feel my disappointment—because I wasn’t disappointed in her.
The turning point came when I took her on a special shopping trip. We found a beautiful dress that was designated as a “potty-training dress.” That was the motivation she needed, and within two weeks, the power struggle faded away.
Now, at 4 years old, she still loves that dress and occasionally reminds me, “Remember, Mom? This is my potty-training dress!” Oh boy, do I remember.
While I’ve never been one to post baby pictures on social media, I often see others discussing their children’s potty training journeys with the “magic of EC.” I understand it works wonders for some, and I genuinely celebrate their success. I just wish they would recognize when it’s not working sooner than I did.
Now that I have a second daughter, people often ask if I plan to use that “baby potty-training thing” with her. Instead of yelling, “Are you kidding me?!”, I simply explain that I don’t have the time for it. After all, her older sister’s stubbornness made potty training an uphill battle, and I’m not eager to relive that power struggle. She’ll learn when she’s ready.
In summary, my journey through elimination communication was filled with unexpected challenges and lessons. While it might work for some, I learned firsthand that every child is unique, and patience is key.
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