On this day last year, I found myself on the same couch, sitting next to my partner Chris and a psychologist who casually mentioned the word “autism” as if she were placing an order for a coffee. There was no emotional weight in her tone, just straight facts about significant cognitive and language delays. Moderate to severe autism. My little one.
What? How did we end up in this place? It was a tough day, my dear. I felt enveloped in a thick fog. In the weeks that followed, I grappled with the realization that our family life would be different from what I had envisioned. My motherhood journey would take unexpected turns. You are not what I anticipated. But listen closely, sweet child: You are so much more. You are beyond your diagnosis. You are beyond any dreams I ever had. You are more.
Strangely, receiving your diagnosis was a relief. It was like finding a golden ticket that unlocked access to incredible therapies that have greatly benefited you. Your therapists adore you, and it fills my heart with joy to see you eagerly enter their offices each week, ready to learn and play. Your eye contact has improved significantly, and you respond to your name more often now. You’re even picking up sign language and can say five words—mom, dad, done, go, and tickle. You’re making strides with potty training and have taken to riding a scooter! You still enjoy bath time, love playing outdoors, and have a blast at school and wrestling with Chris. You also tolerate your little sister quite well. She adores you immensely. Sometimes I catch her gazing at you and smiling while we drive or when you swing together at the park. Can you see that? You’re her hero.
In many ways, you’re my hero too, my love. You’re inspiring me to become the person I aspire to be. You’re teaching me about perseverance, faith, and determination. You’re showing me the importance of standing up for your needs and what is right. You’re also giving me reasons to trust in God more deeply than ever before, knowing He has a beautiful plan for your future.
So here we are again, one year later, on the same couch with the same psychologist discussing your autism and the results of your annual assessments. But guess what? So much has transformed since last year. You’ve made incredible progress, and as a family, we’ve grown tremendously as well. Chris and I are so proud of you and all your hard work. Sure, these tests remind us of the gaps between you and your peers, but we can face that tomorrow. Tonight, we celebrate your achievements and all the ways you are blossoming. We’ll watch your favorite movie (Despicable Me), indulge in your favorite foods (waffles, apples, bacon, and tortilla chips), enjoy some outdoor play, snuggle up, laugh, and stay up past bedtime. Tonight is all about celebrating the amazing and wonderful you.
You are my greatest adventure, my love. I love you to the moon and back.
Love,
Mommy