Recently, as I slipped into a comfortable maternity tee, I thought to myself, “It’s all good; you’re still postpartum.” Then it hit me—I’m actually two years post-postpartum! I weaned my second child a year ago, and by now, I should be feeling more like my old self. But here I am, officially post-postpartum.
Many mothers in my circle seem to struggle with this phase, as evidenced by my social media feeds. “Things Should Have Returned to Normal By Now” could easily be our collective anthem, echoing the sentiments of songwriters like Joni Mitchell.
So, fellow post-postpartum moms: Do you find yourself waking up at the crack of dawn, heart racing, already thinking about your never-ending to-do list? Do you think, as soon as you open your eyes, “I really should have packed those lunches last night”? Are you wrestling with your toddler while juggling your work bag and trying to remember if you even had breakfast? These thoughts are common among those navigating the post-postpartum period.
What truly weighs on my heart during this time, both for myself and for fellow moms, is the guilt that often accompanies it. When you’re late to daycare, when you have to make an emergency trip to the store for toothbrushes because you forgot to brush your own, or when dinner consists of soup and toast, you might find yourself asking, “Shouldn’t I be more competent at this by now?”
But here’s the truth: No, you shouldn’t. The post-postpartum stage is incredibly challenging. Many of us still haven’t “gotten it together” enough to shed the last bits of baby weight, fine-tune our morning routines, or serve home-cooked meals every night.
Defined as starting when your youngest is about six months old, the post-postpartum phase comes with its own set of hurdles, just like pregnancy and the newborn stage did. However, we often overlook these challenges in the same way we recognize the struggles of morning sickness or breastfeeding.
One prominent challenge during this phase is the relentless fatigue that comes with raising young children who may still be waking up at night. You can’t really voice this struggle anymore, as people often don’t understand why a 2- or 3-year-old might still be waking up. But the exhaustion is real—bone deep, in fact. And if you add a second or third child into the mix, you’re dealing with a level of fatigue that only years of sleep deprivation can produce.
Even when the sleepless nights have passed, new challenges arise. For example, my friend Clara has been feeling pressure from her mother-in-law to host Thanksgiving this year. Clara simply can’t fathom managing it all with her 2½-year-old and 4-year-old. “I just can’t handle it,” she admitted. “Planning, cooking, cleaning—it’s all too much. Shouldn’t I be ready for this by now?”
The answer is no. She’s post-postpartum. This is a tough time, and we absolutely have the right to decline hosting large gatherings, opt for low-maintenance hairstyles, or show up to work a little late.
During pregnancy and the newborn stage, people tend to extend grace. You can skip events, talk about sleepless nights, or lighten your workload. But eventually, others start to think, “She should be managing by now,” even when you might not feel capable.
So when does the post-postpartum phase actually end? I’m not sure—I’m still in it! Perhaps it coincides with when all of your kids are in school? Yet, judging from friends with older children, I suspect this phase might extend right into the empty nest stage.
So take a breath and give yourself some grace. Remember, you’re navigating a complicated period. And hey, one day, this too shall pass. There will be a time when it’s just you getting ready in the morning. While I’m not looking forward to that, I cherish these moments with my little ones, even if they find amusement in tripping me as I rush to work. I truly value this post-postpartum time and wouldn’t mind if it lasted a little longer.
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Summary:
The post-postpartum period can be a challenging time for mothers, filled with self-doubt and exhaustion. It’s crucial to recognize that this phase comes with its own unique struggles and to allow ourselves grace as we navigate it. We may not have everything together, and that’s perfectly okay.