It often feels like there’s an overwhelming amount of stuff to manage. Everything seems to be in chaos—some items piled haphazardly, while others are pushed aside and forgotten. They linger, dormant for ages, only to resurface during moments of urgency. Many are neatly filed away, waiting for the right moment to be accessed.
Yet, it’s the smaller, less significant details—the ones that are only partially out of my mind—that invade my sleep. I wake up suddenly, feeling the weight of these reminders pressing down on me. The checkup for my two-year-old—I forgot to reschedule that!
At 3:30 a.m., a flood of thoughts rushes in uninvited. Where were these pieces of information when I needed them? When I lost track of Tuesday and forgot to prepare his lunch? When I neglected to fill out the form for today’s school trip? When I left behind the stroller and her raincoat? When I didn’t send that important email? It’s a never-ending cycle of forgotten lists, and it’s exhausting.
My mind is constantly juggling packed lunch days, birthday celebrations, medical appointments, and ensuring we all get out of the house on time. I need to remember my yoga mat, not to drop him off on inset days, and to arrange childcare for that extra day when we have something planned—if only I could recall what that was. Did I even write it on the calendar?
As a result, I sometimes don’t send thank-you cards or change appointments in time. I forget to reply to texts and neglect to check my messages for days. I didn’t intend to ignore anyone, and no, I haven’t listened to that voicemail yet. But once I’m more awake, I promise to tackle my tax return and organize that drawer under the microwave. Next Wednesday should work—assuming he goes to bed on time and she doesn’t wake me up too early.
It feels like I’m gradually losing my grip on everything. The important details drift away from the corners of my mind where I can manage them. I know I’m forgetting things, and I can’t keep up with the busy pace of life with two little ones. Is this what caring for two small children feels like? Is this how it’s supposed to be? Constantly feeling like I’m behind, making mistakes about things that matter, and running out of time to stay on track?
At 4 a.m., I feel haunted by everything I didn’t do—the phone calls I neglected to make, the lists I forgot to write, the extra clothes I didn’t pack, and the nursery bag that was left behind. I can almost hear the lost bunny giggling at me in the dark.
I’m trying to grab hold of these threads of our lives, to pull them in and keep them close, but they slip away from me. Is this just how it is—an inevitable decline into chaos? I refuse to let it win. I’m tired, but the organization, the lists, the appointments—they matter. I just need to discover a way to keep it all in order. Today, tomorrow, and next month when it still counts.
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Summary
This article explores the overwhelming feeling of juggling countless responsibilities as a parent. The author reflects on the chaos of everyday life, the struggle to remember important details, and the challenges of managing time and tasks while raising young children. The narrative conveys a sense of resilience and determination to maintain order amidst the chaos.