Every morning, on the way to daycare, I share the same reassuring exchange with my kids.
“Mom, will you pick us up later?”
“Absolutely, sweetheart, I always do!”
“Mom, are you coming back?”
“I sure am, buddy! I always come back.”
After I hug them tightly and plant kisses on their cheeks, I head out. Yet, for several months now, a haunting thought lingers in my mind: What if one day, something happens, and I don’t return? What if I don’t make it back to pick them up?
Regardless of whether I’m gone for five minutes or an entire day, I always kiss them goodbye, promising I’ll be back. When they ask if I’ll return, I reassure them, “I will always come back.” I pray daily that this remains true. But life is unpredictable, and it’s sobering to know that one day, I might not come back. This thought weighs heavily on me as a mother, especially as a single parent.
I’m fortunate to have a loving family who would step in to care for my children if anything were to happen to me. I know they would be nurtured and cherished. However, that’s not the crux of their question. When my kids ask if I’ll return, they aren’t just inquiring if someone will pick them up or if someone who loves them will be there. They want to know if I, their mom, will be there for them every day. Can they count on my presence, even when I’m away? That’s the reassurance they seek.
This need for a constant parental presence runs deep within a child. It’s the instinct to always feel their mom nearby, to know she’ll be there whenever they need her, without question.
The reality is that I won’t always be here. There will come a day when I take my final breath, and I won’t be able to “come back.” I pray that day is far off—90 years from now, if possible.
I don’t want to miss a moment of my children’s lives; I want to witness every milestone. I long to see them experience love, get married, and become fathers themselves. I want to be present at every sports event and special occasion. The thought of them searching for my face and not finding it fills me with dread.
My children are still young, so their daily questions stem partly from routine and a desire for reassurance. While I have always been the one to drop them off and pick them up from daycare, I believe their inquiries also arise from a place of insecurity. They’re aware that they have another parent who is not often around—a parent they see infrequently and are unsure when they will see again. This has likely heightened their concern about my return each day. Even though they have no reason to doubt it, they still crave that reassurance, and I’m more than happy to provide it.
As a mother, one of my greatest fears is leaving this world too soon and leaving my children without a mother when they need me most. Are any of us truly prepared for such a loss? As a daughter, I share this fear. Even at 30, with three kids of my own, I dread the day when I might lose my own mom. I rely on her just as much now as I did in my childhood.
My children will always need me, whether it’s to pick them up from daycare, tie their shoes, or be there when they need support throughout life. A child inherently seeks their mother’s presence, and a mother should always strive to be there, even if just in spirit. I hope I have the chance to be that constant for them every day for as long as possible.
Even on the day when I’m unable to return, I hope my children carry my spirit with them, knowing I did everything I could to be present in their lives. I want them to feel my love and support, understanding that I would go to great lengths to be there for them. With every breath they take, I hope they realize I’m there, even in my absence.
As long as I have the ability, I will always come back.
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Summary
The article reflects on a mother’s fear of not being able to return to her children, emphasizing the importance of a consistent parental presence. It discusses the emotional impact of this concern, particularly as a single parent, and highlights the need for children to feel secure in their mother’s love and reliability.