The ATM at the corner convenience store is just a stone’s throw from my minivan parked out front. It’s 9:45 a.m. on a Thursday—right between the morning rush and lunch hour—so there are only a few other customers around, some fueling up, others dashing in for a quick soda or a snack.
I find myself weighing my options: Should I unbuckle both kids from their car seats and bring them inside for the mere few seconds it takes to get my cash? Or should I leave them snoozing in the back, lock the doors, and use the remote starter to keep the air conditioning running while I watch from the window?
I’ve thought about this scenario countless times. The ease of simply running into the store while the children sleep uninterrupted is tempting. The alternative, the lengthy ordeal of wrangling two little ones in and out of a store for a quick transaction, feels daunting. Yet, each time reality hits, I hesitate. I worry that my older daughter might wake up and panic, or that the car could somehow overheat. Then there’s the fear of someone potentially stealing my vehicle with my kids inside—my biggest concern.
But the overriding reason I never take that leap? The anxiety that a stranger might see my kids strapped in and approach me with judgment. Or worse, call the authorities to report me for endangering my children.
As I sit in the driver’s seat, contemplating these absurd possibilities, it dawns on me just how much I allow the fear of being labeled a “bad mom” by strangers influence my parenting choices in public.
What Kind of Parent Would I Be?
This leads me to ponder: What kind of parent would I be if nobody was watching?
I genuinely wonder. Would I be the kind of parent who lets my son munch on bananas without weighing them at the grocery store? Would I carry on a constant stream of baby talk with my uninterested toddler just to satisfy onlookers? Or would I be more daring? Would I sip a glass of wine while nursing my hungry infant in a bustling restaurant? Would I choose to give my firstborn formula instead of enduring the exhausting process of pumping for months to avoid judgment? If I were honest, I’d say yes to all of those scenarios. And if nobody were observing, I wouldn’t even feel guilty about it.
So why do I let the opinions of total strangers weigh so heavily on my decision-making as a mother? The answer, I believe, is multifaceted. We live in an age where parental choices are scrutinized at every turn. There’s always someone ready to inform us that we’re wrong, that they know better, and that they would have made the so-called “right” decision.
Additionally, a judgmental passerby only sees a fleeting moment of my life as a mother, not the full story. This is why I glance over my shoulder when I give my son my phone during a meltdown at a diner or let him enjoy fast food during an outing. I still fear being seen as the parent I vowed never to become, and that fear often clouds my judgment.
Thus, as I rush into the store and punch in my ATM code—quick cash, no receipt—I spend the entire two minutes fretting—not about my children comfortably napping in the backseat, but about the stranger nearby who might discover my secret. If she weren’t there, I’d feel completely at ease with my decision. But there she is, oblivious, and I’m just a few feet away, feeling the weight of her potential judgment.
The Question of Judgment
The question looms: If a mother leaves her child in a securely locked car, and no one is around to judge, does she still doubt her choice?
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In summary, many parents grapple with the weight of external judgment, leading them to second-guess their choices. The pressure from society often overshadows what we instinctively know to be best for our kids.