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Trying to Capture Time
Updated: Aug. 26, 2019
Originally Published: Oct. 24, 2015
In our busy household with five children, chaos is the norm. We’re often in a frenzy, figuring out how to fit everyone into the car, getting them to settle down for just a moment, or ensuring they’re all on time for their various activities. You might think that when one of them is away, there’s a bit of relief. If someone takes the rambunctious 4-year-old off my hands for a day, I might feel a tad lighter. But then there’s our 14-year-old, Ava, who is starting to explore the world beyond our home and is frequently out and about.
We’ve entered a new chapter, where it seems that one event leads to another. We pick her up from theater practice, only to drop her off at a friend’s house shortly after. She hops from the mall to a movie and then to a sleepover. Sometimes she even juggles babysitting gigs to fund her shopping spree. When she’s home, her room has become her sanctuary. She often vanishes for hours, emerging only when hunger kicks in. It doesn’t matter why she’s out; it all adds up to a house that often feels devoid of her presence. I know she’s here, but I already feel the sting of missing her.
I can sense the next four years rushing towards us, and I wish I could hold on a little longer. I see the eagerness in her eyes, and it’s clear that time isn’t something we can rewind. Before long, she’ll be a summer visitor rather than a constant at our kitchen table. How can I prepare for that? Just the thought of it makes me nostalgic.
The bittersweet irony is that as she spends more time away, she’s becoming even more delightful to be around. Ava is blossoming into such a remarkable young woman, using her talents in the world, and is often rational enough to offer me fashion advice that I actually consider! She contributes positively to our household, most of the time (after all, she’s still a teenager). She gets my humor and can engage in meaningful conversations with her dad about bands I don’t quite understand. When I see them chatting together, it brings tears to my eyes because I can already feel her absence.
Tonight, as I sit in the stillness of our home, I realize how fleeting this period is. This incredible young woman who made us parents won’t always be under our roof. I remember when she was born, and my mom said, “Don’t you just adore her?” Yes, I absolutely do! That moment was transformative, and I wish it wouldn’t change again. I thought that having a large family would ease the pain of each child leaving, but I see now that’s not the case. Ava is peacefully sleeping, and I already feel a sense of loss.
For now, I’m committed to cherishing the moments we have together and being as present as possible to slow down time. I vow to do the same for all my children, as each will create their own shift in our family dynamic as they grow. I want to create memories just like my parents did, carving out family time even if it leads to some eye-rolling (I’m convinced that eye-rolling is exaggerated—who wouldn’t want to hang out with us, right?). I have cherished memories of evenings spent playing cards or dining out together, and I want to cultivate that same spirit in my own family. And if Ava doesn’t understand why I’m holding on a bit tighter or saying no more often, I’ll explain to her, my beloved daughter, that it’s because I already miss you.
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Summary:
In a bustling household of five kids, a mother reflects on the bittersweet nature of watching her 14-year-old daughter begin to embrace independence. She grapples with the fleeting moments of childhood and the joy of growing up, vowing to create lasting family memories while cherishing their time together. As her daughter explores the world beyond their home, she faces the emotional challenge of impending change.