Parenting can be a wild ride, and I’m right there in the trenches. Every day, I give my kids a little taste of M&Ms. Yes, you read that correctly—I’m the mom who fills their snack bowls with sugary treats. Why? Because sometimes you need a bit of bribery to get them to use the toilet, stay in their car seats, or actually clean up their toys. M&Ms work wonders.
Having been a mother for over two decades (wow, that’s half my life!), I’ve witnessed the shift in parenting culture. From the early days of the internet, when it was just a budding tool for connection, to now, where being offline feels like a political statement. The internet has its perks—like finding out that other moms also deal with crazy toddler behavior—but it can also complicate things. Suddenly, if you don’t use cloth diapers, you’re contributing to global warming, or if you choose formula over breast milk, your child’s intelligence is at stake.
Recently, a #noshameparenting initiative launched, and while it’s a fantastic step for parents overwhelmed by guilt, it’s also a reminder that the conversation around guilt and shame is ongoing. We read repeatedly that it’s okay for kids to watch TV, yet articles still pop up warning us that it stunts brain development and fosters bad behavior.
Shame is counterproductive. It pushes us into hiding, fearful of judgment from others. So let’s set the record straight on what you should and shouldn’t feel ashamed about:
- DO NOT feel guilty for choosing formula, breast milk, or even goat milk for your baby. What matters is their nutrition.
- DO feel guilty about giving your baby chocolate milk. That’s just not necessary for an infant.
- DO NOT feel bad about turning your child’s car seat forward-facing when they meet the recommended weight. They don’t need to rear-face until five, despite what someone said on social media.
- DO feel guilty if you don’t use a car seat at all. That’s a safety issue.
- DO NOT feel ashamed of letting your child watch PBS. It can be educational!
- DO feel guilty if you let them watch shows like Caillou. Seriously, that show is a nightmare for parents.
- DO NOT feel remorse for giving your toddler Benadryl when they’re restless. Sleep is crucial.
- DO feel guilty for giving them alcohol. That’s abuse, plain and simple.
- DO NOT feel bad about skipping a bath night. Kids are resilient, and dirt can be protective!
- DO feel guilty if they go too long without a bath—cleanliness matters.
- DO NOT be ashamed of using either cloth or disposable diapers. In the end, they all serve their purpose.
- DO feel guilty if your toddler consistently poops on your neighbor’s floor. That’s just inconsiderate.
- DO NOT feel bad if you can’t squeeze in a bedtime story every night.
- DO feel guilty if the story you choose is something like Stephen King’s “Carrie.” That’s too scary for little ones!
- DO NOT feel guilty for treating your kids to a McDonald’s French fry now and then. They’re still potatoes, right?
- DO feel guilty if kale is their only source of nutrition. That’s a bit harsh.
The everyday choices in parenting really aren’t worth the stress. That mom judging you? She’s likely never had to endure a long car ride with a screaming toddler.
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In summary, let’s drop the shame and support each other in our parenting journeys. Embrace the messy parts of parenthood, and remember that you’re not alone in this.