Parenting
My Son and the Future Partner
by Linda Brooks
Updated: May 27, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 31, 2015
I have a little anxiety about my son’s future girlfriend. I feel uneasy about the idea of him spending holidays with her family and following her lead in decisions.
My son is just 10 years old, so he doesn’t have a girlfriend yet. However, I believe in being prepared for the future. I love discussing this with other moms of boys. When I share my preemptive feelings toward his future partner, I get a mix of reactions. Some women nod in understanding, while others throw out that saying I’ve come to dislike: “A son is a son until he takes a wife; a daughter is a daughter for life.” (I do have a daughter, but I know she’s here to stay, so this isn’t about her.)
Then there are the mothers who don’t share my sentiment. They often say things like, “You need to let them grow up,” or “I adore my daughter-in-law!” At those moments, I give them the same look I’d reserve for someone asking me to go down to a dark basement alone.
So, when my son stepped off the bus one day, clutching a piece of paper and wearing a serious expression, I knew something was up. “I need to tell you something,” he said. He revealed that he liked a girl who liked him back, but she was moving away in two weeks, and he wanted to call her.
Instead of panicking, I felt a wave of excitement for him. Trying to stay casual, I replied, “Okay, let’s go for it.” I watched him dial her number, his face a mix of concentration and hope. I felt a rush of joy when the girl’s mom said he could talk to her. He celebrated with a fist pump and began his first phone conversation with a girl. I chuckled from my spot at the bottom of the stairs as I overheard him stumble on what to say, asking, “So—(long pause)—how’s your family?”
Just two days later, I picked her up from school, and we headed to get ice cream. I paid and then slipped into the corner of the shop, pretending not to know them. They were chatting, laughing, and enjoying their treats. I could feel tears of joy welling up in my eyes. Seeing my son happy made me incredibly happy too.
In that moment, I realized that my previous concerns about him growing up and sharing his life with someone else were misplaced. I had been selfish, focusing too much on my emotions rather than celebrating his experiences. I thrive on my son’s successes—his good grades, his sports achievements, and his friendships—because his happiness is intertwined with mine.
It’s often said that “You’re only as happy as your least happy child,” and there’s truth in that. I hadn’t considered how it felt for him to experience those early feelings of attraction or the excitement of love (though I hope that’s still a ways off!).
His dad is my rock, and navigating parenting together is both a challenge and a joy. I want my son to have all of that too. He still dances with me in the bathroom, sings silly songs, and gives me hugs while joking about whether I’m expecting another baby.
When we lie down at night, sharing a pillow, I’m overwhelmed with love. It’s a bittersweet feeling, recognizing how quickly time passes while cherishing these moments. I believe any future partner of my son will be incredibly lucky, but I no longer view her as someone who will take him away from me.
So, if this piece finds its way to the girl who captures his heart one day, here’s my friendly advice: Christmas at our place! And welcome to the family.
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Summary:
This article reflects on a mother’s evolving feelings about her son growing up and finding a partner. Initially, she expresses anxiety about future relationships, but through her son’s experiences, she realizes that his happiness is her happiness. The story emphasizes the bittersweet nature of parenting, the joy of watching children thrive, and a welcoming attitude toward future family members.