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I Cherish My Children, but I Prioritize Myself First
We’ve all experienced those challenging moments of parenthood, navigating the complex waters of expectations from family and society. Then, there comes a time when you glance in the mirror and think, “Who is this person looking back at me?” It’s easy to become lost—overwhelmed and just getting through each day. What happened to the person who once had it all figured out? The individual others sought for guidance on achieving a balanced life?
As mothers, we often place our own needs at the bottom of the list, believing that this is what good parenting entails. We might skip out on those stylish shoes we’ve been eyeing because our child requires yet another shirt they’ll quickly outgrow. We forgo gym sessions, convinced that the little free time we have should be dedicated to our children. We find ourselves eating hurriedly while standing in the kitchen, neglecting self-care, and filling our schedules with endless activities for our kids.
There are several reasons for this behavior. First and foremost, our love for our children drives us to prioritize their needs. Additionally, the constant barrage of social media, with its picture-perfect portrayals of motherhood, adds to the pressure we feel to do it all. But what happens when we push ourselves too far in that pursuit? We can end up neglecting the very person who needs our attention most—ourselves.
I spent a significant amount of time in this exhausting cycle. While I was physically present with my children, my mind was elsewhere, preoccupied with other responsibilities. I was caught up in stress about the future. My relationship with my partner felt more like a team effort than a partnership. My enthusiasm for work dwindled; I felt lost, gaining weight and questioning my purpose.
Eventually, I realized that coming in last place in my own life wasn’t sustainable or acceptable. The stress I was imposing on myself wasn’t helping anyone, least of all my family. To be a good mother, wife, friend, and person, I needed to prioritize my own well-being first. I had to reconnect with who I was and who I aspired to be.
Recognizing a problem is the first step toward change, and I took the reins of my life. I made the conscious decision to prioritize myself, which in turn allowed me to be more present for my family. I discovered that my kids were just as happy with one activity as they were with three. I set firm boundaries around my work hours, and when those boundaries were pushed, I sought a new job that aligned better with my life. Even though I had to tap into my 401(k) during this transition, it proved worthwhile.
I reestablished my connection with my partner through regular movie nights after the kids went to bed. We began enjoying meals together, allowing for uninterrupted conversations. It felt like a dream come true. I committed to working out two to three times a week, which soon became part of my routine. I even allowed myself guilt-free Sunday afternoon naps. Now, when I spend time with my family, I am wholly present and genuinely enjoying it.
If you lack a strong support system or partner, implementing these changes may seem daunting. However, look around you; there are likely neighbors or friends who are also in need of some personal time. For instance, when my partner traveled for work, I teamed up with a neighbor in a similar situation. We took turns babysitting and cooked extra meals to share, making life easier for both of us. Sometimes, just sharing a glass of wine while our kids played provided much-needed relief.
Small steps can lead to significant changes in your life. As you begin to prioritize yourself, it becomes easier to embrace your needs. Focusing on your own happiness not only benefits you but also enhances your role as a mother, wife, and friend. You deserve joy just as much as anyone else does, and it’s within your reach. Start by choosing yourself.
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Summary:
This article emphasizes the importance of self-care and prioritizing personal needs in motherhood. By recognizing the need for balance and implementing small changes, mothers can enhance their well-being, leading to a happier family life. It encourages women to take the necessary steps toward personal fulfillment, ultimately making them better partners and parents.