Imagine if you could approach your child’s tantrums with the observational calmness of a researcher. What if you understood that tantrums often follow a recognizable pattern and that there are effective strategies to manage them? Recent studies from psychologists at the University of Minnesota and the University of Connecticut shed light on these questions.
According to NPR, the researchers equipped toddlers with specially designed onesies containing tiny microphones that captured audio of their tantrums. Over time, they amassed recordings of more than 100 tantrums, enabling them to analyze the typical progression of these meltdowns. (Listening to 100 toddlers throw fits must have been quite the experience!)
The findings revealed that toddlers’ vocalizations occur in predictable sequences, with various sounds surfacing and diminishing in a rhythmic manner throughout the episode. As Shankar Vedantam notes in NPR, recognizing what constitutes a “normal” tantrum can assist parents and healthcare providers in distinguishing between typical outbursts and potential signs of deeper issues.
Upon reviewing the audio samples, researchers observed that behaviors like screaming and whimpering often coincide. While this may be familiar to anyone who has witnessed a toddler’s meltdown in public, the study debunked the common belief that tantrums consist of separate phases of anger and sadness. Instead, it turns out that anger and sadness are intertwined, often occurring simultaneously. The peak of anger, marked by loud screams, can be interspersed with softer cries of sadness.
So, how should you respond when your little one is sobbing over “too much dinner,” as my daughter once did? Vedantam emphasizes that the key to hastening the end of a tantrum is to help the child move past the height of their anger. Once the anger subsides, sadness remains, prompting the child to seek comfort. Interestingly, the researchers found that the most effective approach to cooling down the anger is to do nothing. This can be challenging for parents, though.
Dr. Smith, one of the study’s co-authors, identifies “anger traps”—moments when parents might instinctively intervene to resolve an irrational problem. For instance, one child named Emily threw a fit because she didn’t want her feet anymore, prompting her mother to suggest cutting them off with scissors, which only intensified the child’s distress. In another instance, Emily erupted in rage over wanting to sit at the corner of a round table (you can check out the video at NPR for a humorous look at a toddler tantrum). Ignoring the intense anger and refraining from offering comfort during this peak moment appears to be the fastest route to resolution. Recognizing when a child has flopped onto the floor can signal that they are on the downslope of their tantrum.
While the Mayo Clinic recommends ignoring tantrums followed by a time-out, this method has not been effective for us. Often, our frustrated child refuses to stay on the “naughty chair,” leading to a cycle of repeatedly attempting to contain their rage. Instead, we’ve found greater success by briefly placing him in his securely childproofed room until the storm passes and then offering comfort afterward.
Approaching tantrums with a scientific mindset can be a fascinating thought experiment and might even help you find some humor in an otherwise trying situation. The most reassuring takeaway from this research is that tantrums eventually come to an end, allowing both parents and children to take a collective breath of relief. As Vedantam wisely notes, “No one can stay that angry for long. It’s exhausting.”
For further insights into navigating parenting challenges, check out our piece on home insemination techniques at this link.
Summary
Recent research reveals that tantrums follow predictable patterns, with anger and sadness occurring simultaneously. The best way to handle tantrums is often to do nothing during the peak of anger, helping children transition to a state where they seek comfort. This understanding can ease the stress of parenting during these emotional outbursts.