My partner and I embarked on the journey of foster parenting a year and a half ago. With no prior exposure to fostering from friends or family, we found ourselves navigating uncharted waters. Yet, there’s a profound beauty and complexity in this experience that deserves to be shared. In America, over 400,000 children are in foster care, many of whom are in our neighborhoods and schools, yearning for love and connection.
Today, we attended the adoption hearing for three siblings who were our first long-term foster placement. Almost a year ago, they transitioned to their adoptive family. It’s not uncommon for the legal system to take its time, and after two years and eight months in foster care, these children are finally becoming a permanent part of their new family.
While this is undoubtedly wonderful news for them, it brings a mix of emotions for me, them, and their biological parents. These children lived with us for six months and became an integral part of our lives, yet they’re no longer with us, and I find myself missing them deeply.
I miss Ava’s imaginative tales, Noah’s ambitious projects, and Mia’s sweet late-night cuddles. The everyday moments we shared are irreplaceable. Our interactions now feel distant; their eye contact is cautious, and their hugs are brief.
They once called me “Miss Emily,” then “Mommy,” and now it’s back to “Miss Emily.” The emotional toll of these transitions on their young hearts is monumental. With so many adults, including their former foster parents, my partner and me, and their new adoptive family, watching their every move, it’s no wonder they feel the need to be guarded.
As bittersweet as it is to lose our connection, I know it’s worth it for what they gain. Their larger sacrifice—one they didn’t choose—is one that weighs heavily on my heart. These children will not grow up with their biological parents, leaving them with unanswered questions about why they were separated. As one adoptee poignantly expressed, “The gains don’t fully replace the losses, nor should we ever expect them to.”
The shifts in their lives over the past few years cannot simply be wrapped in a neat package. The new homes, new names, and new families create a complex tapestry of experiences. I feel immense gratitude for the stability they are gaining, even as I mourn the very reality that foster care and adoption exist for children like them, and for their biological parents who may never know their beautiful kiddos.
Today is filled with both heartache and joy. While it’s a day of hope for their future, I can’t help but feel the weight of their past. May their tomorrows bring them peace and fulfillment, even as they look back.
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Summary:
Adoption is a complex and bittersweet journey filled with beauty and sorrow. As a foster parent, the experience of seeing children transition to their forever families evokes a mix of emotions, from joy for their new beginnings to sadness for the connections lost. The emotional toll on all involved, especially the children and their biological parents, underscores the profound nature of adoption. It is a journey that highlights both the gains and losses inherent in creating a family.