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Parenting
I Truly Wanted to Attend Your Gathering!
by Samantha Turner
Updated: March 18, 2021
Originally Published: November 19, 2015
For the third time this year, I’ve found myself in the unfortunate position of RSVPing to a gathering and then not showing up—an act that feels incredibly rude. I’d like to think these were all large events—cocktail parties, Halloween celebrations, and school fundraisers—where my absence might not be felt too deeply. Yet, the guilt still gnaws at me. I’m not skipping out on a lavish wedding or a cozy dinner for six, but that doesn’t justify my behavior. I did RSVP “yes.” The hosts were counting on my presence. Honestly, I genuinely wanted to be there!
To add to the irony, I pride myself on being courteous and following etiquette rules. I still write my holiday cards by hand, believing that a personal touch matters. I carefully compose thank-you notes and heartfelt letters of sympathy for those facing loss. I’ve never missed a volunteer shift, carpool commitment, or board meeting without very compelling reasons.
So how did I—someone who is acutely aware of how discourteous it is to ghost an invitation—end up in this situation? Not too long ago, after a week filled with the repetitive cycle of diaper changes, grilled cheese sandwiches, tantrum management, enforced naps, and a mountain of laundry, I was desperate to attend any party. Fundraiser for a good cause? Count me in! Tea for my neighbor’s pet? Why not! Baby showers, wedding celebrations, birthday parties? Yes, yes, yes!
But life has changed. I’m no longer surrounded by my favorite little ones. They’re busy with schoolwork, sports, and socializing. As they run off, so do I, working more, driving endlessly, and managing an ever-growing grocery list. My life has transformed from needing a break to recharge my mental batteries to yearning for a moment of stillness.
Now, when I receive a party invitation, it goes something like this: the e-vite arrives, and I’m thrilled to be included. I adore the hosts! The guest list is filled with people I enjoy. The theme sounds fun!
Then, as the Friday night approaches, the week’s chaos starts to catch up with me. After a whirlwind of work, errands, and shuttling kids around town, I begin to feel exhausted. When my family finally gathers at home, it seems like the first time I’ve truly connected with them all week. We’re together. Could this be a dream?
This is when I start to question my party plans. Wouldn’t it be lovely to just cozy up with my family? After all, I’ve been feeling a bit uncomfortable in my clothes, my favorite outfit is at the cleaners, and it’s too chilly for my nice shoes. And let’s be honest, I don’t even have a costume ready while everyone else has likely planned theirs perfectly. Plus, I’m just so tired. I even woke up early to exercise before the day began!
Then the doubts creep in: No one will even notice if I skip out, will they? I’m sure most of them don’t truly enjoy my company. They probably think I laugh too loudly or munch on too many chips. They might be better off without me!
But the reality is, what keeps me at home during these moments I should be socializing is the realization that family time is precious while it lasts. If I pause to reflect on how fast time is flying—how quickly my boys are growing—I feel a pang in my heart. My eldest will be off to college in just three short years! I hardly get any face time with him anymore, and here he is, home and wanting to share a movie night with me.
It’s so effortless to slip into my comfy sweats on the couch, surrounded by my boys, and just relax. Too effortless.
So for now, I find myself occasionally missing out on parties. I know I should probably just decline the invitation, yet I truly intend to go. Most of the time, I do make it when I say I will. But for those moments I don’t? Perhaps it’s about accepting that sometimes I need to prioritize family time over social events. And hopefully, my hosts will find themselves in the same boat on another night, choosing quality family moments over parties, and I promise I’ll understand.
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Summary
This article reflects on the struggle of balancing social engagements with precious family time. The author, while initially eager to attend gatherings, often finds herself opting to stay home with her family instead. The shift from a party-loving schedule to prioritizing family moments highlights the importance of cherishing time spent with loved ones as children grow up.