When is the right time to share that your child has a chronic illness during a date? Do you mention it right away, perhaps while ordering dinner? “I’ll take the salad, the scallops, and my daughter has cystic fibrosis, and for dessert, I’ll have the chocolate ganache.” Or should it be included in your online dating profile before any initial interactions, like winks or swipes? “I love traveling to new places and long beach walks. I also spend time researching clinical trials and health insurance policies. I’m attracted to guys who wash their hands regularly, get annual flu shots, and haven’t tested positive for tuberculosis recently.”
My daughter has cystic fibrosis, a condition that affects her respiratory and digestive systems. Her daily routine includes hours of therapies, blood sugar checks, and G-tube feedings. She relies on various medications to help her breathe, eat, and thrive. While this is a significant aspect of our lives, it doesn’t wholly define who we are.
For us, managing cystic fibrosis is as routine as pouring a bowl of cereal. In the morning, our process looks like this: “First, sterilize the nebulizer, add albuterol, then connect her to a vest for a thorough mucus shake-up, followed by a handful of medications, finger pricks for blood sugar checks, and her gastronomy tube feeds.” Then it’s off to school, just like any other kid.
Despite cystic fibrosis, we live a life filled with soccer, swimming, dance, and Girl Scouts. If you were to see my daughter in action, you’d hardly suspect that she has a genetic condition. There are no glaring signs indicating that she is “different” or “disabled.”
So, when should I mention this significant part of our lives to someone who may or may not want more than a casual coffee date? Dating profiles often ask for details like gender, ethnicity, and interests, but there’s no section for “child with special needs.” The reality is that sharing this part of our lives isn’t exactly glamorous; candid photos of me managing her G-tube won’t likely attract any attention.
Most people enjoy sharing their support for causes through pictures of charity runs or challenges, which are temporary experiences. However, living with a chronic illness is a continuous journey. Is it fair to delve into complex healthcare policies and life challenges right off the bat? I ponder whether I would date someone like me if I weren’t me, and the answer isn’t always straightforward.
Anyone would be fortunate to know my daughter; she is not a burden but a wonderful addition to my life. Yet, cystic fibrosis is part of our story. Everyone has their challenges; some may struggle with past traumas, mental health issues, or financial burdens. We all have our own “cereal” to deal with.
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In summary, dating while raising a child with a chronic illness presents unique challenges. Timing for sharing such important aspects of life can be tricky, as it’s essential to balance honesty with the realities of forming new connections. We all have our stories, and understanding each other’s challenges can lead to enriching relationships.