As any parent of a high school sophomore or junior is surely aware, the SAT is undergoing some significant changes. There’s a lot of chatter about what the latest version of the Scholastic Assessment Test will entail, but its true nature won’t be revealed until anxious high school students crack open their test booklets in March 2016.
According to the College Board, the organization behind this widely recognized college admissions test, “The SAT evaluates the reading, writing, and math skills that students acquire in school and that are essential for success in college and beyond. It provides both students and colleges insight into how they will apply the critical thinking, writing, and study skills needed for college coursework.”
But does it genuinely reflect how prepared these 16- and 17-year-olds are for real-world challenges? Can a test score truly capture their readiness for university life, which doesn’t come with a parental figure or a meal plan? One can only hope that the College Board consulted some moms while designing the new test. If they had, our kids might face questions like these:
- The kitchen trash can is overflowing. What’s the best way to resolve this situation?
a) Ignore it
b) Wait for Mom to handle it
c) Use your strength to tie up the bag and take it out, then replace it with a new one.
d) This problem has no solution. - Only one square of toilet paper remains when Teen A enters the bathroom. What is the likelihood that Teen A’s sibling will have toilet paper available for their next restroom visit?
a) 100%
b) 0%
c) Pi
d) The answer depends on Mom’s proximity. - Student A’s soccer uniform is filthy after a game, and there’s another match tomorrow. Which process will restore the uniform to a clean state?
a) Mitosis
b) Mom will instinctively know it’s time to do laundry.
c) Student A must learn to operate the washing machine and do it tonight.
d) Fairies. - Teen B has a smartphone, tablet, laptop, and a calculator with incredible computing power. What’s the probability that Teen B knows how to use the dishwasher?
a) 100%
b) 0%
c) Hydrogen bonds
d) None of the above. - There are two juice boxes in the refrigerator and 24 in the basement. Three siblings need juice boxes for their after-school activities. How long will it take them to resolve this issue?
a) 2 minutes
b) 10 minutes
c) 60 minutes
d) Time is irrelevant, as the ensuing argument over who must fetch the juice will result in all of them facing consequences and heading out with water bottles. - The human body sheds 30,000 to 40,000 skin cells daily. If this rate remains steady, how often should bed sheets be changed?
a) Daily
b) Weekly
c) Never
d) What are bed sheets? - If the Spanish Club is hosting a Fiesta on Friday, what is the likelihood that Julia has purchased all the ingredients for the gluten-free churros she volunteered to make by Thursday at 10 p.m.? Is it the same, greater than, or less than the chance that she’ll ask her mother to take care of it?
a) Same
b) Greater than
c) Less than
d) None of the above; Julia has completely forgotten about the churros.
If you’re anything like me, it might be time to secure a tutor for the New SAT!
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Summary: This article humorously reimagines the SAT with questions that reflect everyday challenges faced by teens, emphasizing the influence and wisdom of mothers in practical situations.