As a woman in my thirties living with blindness, I often draw attention in public. People are frequently taken aback to see someone my age using a white cane while navigating my local community. When my partner and I discovered we were expecting just six months after I had been declared blind, we were utterly stunned. The prospect of becoming parents filled us with excitement and anxiety. While we were confident in our ability to nurture and love a child, we knew that the terms “disability” and “pregnancy” often don’t go hand in hand in the eyes of others.
As my pregnancy progressed, I transitioned from being an unusual sight to a source of curiosity. Many people seemed unable to comprehend that a blind woman could be expecting and intending to raise a child. The intrusive questions and comments I faced added extra stress to what was already a high-risk pregnancy.
I didn’t want to feel guilty about my pregnancy or pity myself for my blindness. All I desired was for others to celebrate this moment with me. However, genuine congratulations and appropriate gestures were few and far between. During a routine ultrasound appointment, I broke down in tears discussing these challenges. My doctor listened intently as I vented, handing me tissue after tissue. Once I calmed down, he placed a hand on my shoulder and asked, “But why does it matter to you?” His question struck a chord, and I realized that if I was going to be a mother, I needed to develop a thicker skin. I couldn’t let negativity consume me. Why should I feel guilty about this pregnancy or the child I was excited to welcome? From that moment on, I resolved that if people were bold enough to ask, they should be ready for my responses and a few questions of my own.
Common Questions and My Responses
- Was this pregnancy planned?
While the act of intimacy was certainly planned, the baby was a delightful surprise. Family planning involves my partner and me, and we were overjoyed to learn about the pregnancy. No, we didn’t intend to start a family just six months after my diagnosis. After years of trying to conceive, it was a blessing that came amidst a challenging time. We’re thrilled about this little one—can’t you just share in our joy? - You’re not considering termination?
If “it” refers to my baby, why would I ever consider not keeping my child? I’m an educated woman in a loving, stable relationship. I have the resources and support to provide for this baby. I long to embrace motherhood. Perhaps you didn’t realize that many disabled individuals are fully capable and prepared to raise children. - Where’s the father?
Are you referring to my husband of ten years? The man who shares my life and is thrilled about becoming a father? He’s right there! People with disabilities can and do have meaningful relationships just like anyone else. Did you assume that my disability would deter someone from wanting a serious relationship with me? - I didn’t think disabled individuals could have kids.
I may be mistaken, but I believe there’s no law mandating sterilization for those with disabilities. Just like everyone else, we engage in relationships and have children. Surprising as it may be, people with disabilities make the conscious choice to become parents every day. We don’t need permission from anyone to start a family. - How will you manage ________?
How will I change the baby? Feed it? Get to the doctor? Don’t you think I’ve pondered these questions? I lie awake at night considering how to navigate motherhood. I’m scared—terrified, even. But guess what? Every new parent faces these fears! I have nine months to devise a plan, find resources, and build a network to meet my child’s needs. Since you’re not responsible for my child, you don’t need to worry about those details. I might not have all the answers, but I am ready to do whatever it takes to be a loving mother. - Isn’t it going to be tough for your child with a disabled mom?
Yes, having a mother with a disability will have its challenges. I’m aware of my limitations; I may not be the best soccer coach, and carpool duties are out of the question. However, being my child means learning resilience. They will understand that life can present challenges, but these hurdles don’t define a person. My child will grow up with empathy, recognizing that a disability doesn’t limit one’s identity or capabilities as a parent.
So, the next time you encounter a pregnant woman with a disability, please refrain from making assumptions or asking intrusive questions. Instead, offer words of encouragement or simply say congratulations. Treat them like any other expectant mother, and remember that love for a child knows no boundaries.
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Summary
In this article, Jenna Parker shares her experiences as a blind woman navigating pregnancy while facing insensitive questions. By addressing common misconceptions, she emphasizes the importance of empathy and understanding. Parker encourages others to celebrate disabled expectant mothers rather than interrogate them, reminding readers that the love for a child transcends any disability.