Dear Little One,
I see you. The way you effortlessly roll over in your play area catches my attention, even as I pick up toys from the floor and keep a watchful eye on your older sibling. “You did it! I’m so proud of you!” I think to myself, but did I actually say it out loud?
I just placed you on your activity mat for the second time today, intending to lie down beside you, sharing words about the vibrant shapes and colors surrounding you. But then your brother goes quiet, and I can’t help but check on him. Sure enough, he’s scattered his snacks all over the living room. As I clean up the mess, I hear your soft coos transform into cries, and I cringe at the thought of you waiting for comfort while I teach your brother the importance of tidiness.
When I scoop you up, I absentmindedly pop a pacifier in your mouth while naming the animals from your brother’s puzzle. I glance at the clock, realizing it’s time for your nap. I rush to your room, change your diaper, and lay you down in your crib, all while carrying your brother along with me. Did I even whisper “sweet dreams” or “I love you” before closing the door? My thoughts are interrupted as I trip over a stray toy, leading me to the next item on my endless to-do list.
Throughout the day, while nursing you, I’m also catching up on emails and reminding your brother to stop climbing the furniture. Our moments together aren’t filled with the quiet, affectionate gazes I envisioned; they’re all about multitasking.
As I prepare dinner, my mind races with thoughts of when your dad will come home. You’re content in your exersaucer, and I briefly show you how to press the buttons before returning my focus to your big brother. I can’t help but think back to the time when it was just the two of us. I would sing and dance around while cooking, engaging him in every moment. Now, I feel like I’m failing in my role as a mother. I whisper a prayer, asking for your growth to be untainted by my distractions, hoping you’ll be just as brilliant as your older sibling.
Finally, your dad arrives, and relief washes over me. He greets your brother and immediately heads to you. I watch as your face lights up with joy, and my heart swells. But then a wave of sadness hits me. Did I make you smile today? I think of the laughter I shared with your brother and wonder if I’ve given you any moments of joy.
As we rush through the evening routine, putting away toys and preparing for bath time, I lay you down on the floor while I scramble to fill a sippy cup and find your pajamas. I dress you quickly and turn on the fan before heading to your brother’s room for storytime.
That night, as we finish your last feeding, I hold you close and say our prayers. Your dad kisses you goodnight, and I quietly make my way to your crib, kissing your cheek and whispering “I love you” before gently laying you down. I step out of your room, feeling accomplished for making it through another day of parenting. I sit beside your dad, sharing the funny moments that happened throughout the day before treating myself to a well-deserved snack.
As I lie in bed, thoughts of you fill my mind. You and your brother are at the forefront of my prayers, and I find myself asking for grace and patience to be the best mom for both of you. I drift off to sleep, worrying if I’m truly giving you all the love I have to offer.
So here’s my promise to you: I will do my utmost for you. Some days, my best will be reading an extra bedtime story or dancing around the kitchen with you in my arms. Other days, it may mean simply rocking you a little longer before your nap. No matter the day, I’ll take the time to show you my affection. You may never fully grasp the depth of my love for you, but know this: whether I’m busy managing chores or tackling bills, you are always in my heart. I see you.
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In summary, while life can often be chaotic and overwhelming, the love I have for you remains steadfast. I promise to make a conscious effort to carve out special moments for you each day, even amidst the busyness of parenting.