Recently, I attended a baby shower for an old friend whose wife is expecting their first child. At the gathering, surrounded by her college friends who are just beginning their own paths into marriage and parenthood, the young woman beside me expressed disbelief when she learned I have four children. “I can’t imagine being a mother right now,” she laughed, turning to me. “What’s it really like?”
“It’s wonderful,” I replied. “It’s challenging, but incredibly rewarding.” She smiled, seemingly satisfied with my response, before her focus drifted to the delightful mini-muffins on the table. However, my answer barely scratched the surface of the truth. As she looked away, I reflected on what I truly wish I could convey about motherhood, if only there were enough time to articulate it. Here it goes.
To be a mother is to constantly feel like you’re falling short while also feeling overwhelmed by the sheer amount you give. It’s about dedicating your time and energy to another person, nurturing and caring for them, yet grappling with guilt over what you’re unable to provide.
Being a mother involves agonizing over seemingly trivial decisions. You can spend hours picking out a school backpack, debating the healthiest food combinations, or determining which music class will provide the most enrichment. It’s worrying if your child’s apple isn’t organic or if their shampoo is not all-natural, and making trips to multiple stores just to find those dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets that will bring a smile to their face.
To be a mother means recognizing the harsh realities of poverty while feeling guilty that the sneakers your child wants aren’t available in their size. It’s about understanding how fortunate your kids are while still yearning to give them more, and feeling remorse over the things you can’t provide, knowing they likely don’t even miss them.
As a mother, you deeply empathize with other mothers’ struggles. Before having kids, I felt sad upon hearing about a mom with a sick child, but now that pain is visceral. I can feel that mother’s sorrow in my own heart. I find myself crying for them and carrying that grief with me, imagining the unthinkable—what if it were my child? It’s a heavy burden that weighs on your soul.
Motherhood brings newfound respect for parents of children with special needs, as well as a lingering fear of childhood illnesses, rare diseases, and severe allergies that lurk in the background of your mind.
To be a mother is to look into a child’s eyes and see reflections of yourself, rediscovering childhood through their experiences. It’s about reliving your love for fairy tales and superheroes, and reminiscing about the simple joys of chewing bubblegum.
As a mother, you share in your child’s triumphs and setbacks. You celebrate their victories with unrestrained joy, cheering for every accomplishment, from a perfect landing on the balance beam to scoring a goal.
Motherhood also brings clarity on the meaning of your own parents’ words. The hurt truly does affect you more than them, and it’s possible to feel both anger and immense love simultaneously. Your child will always be your baby, no matter how big they grow.
To be a mother is to long for the world to be a better place, feeling helpless when confronted with images of children suffering from lack of clean water or living in refugee camps, yet often forgetting beneath the weight of daily responsibilities.
It’s about craving moments of solitude, only to miss your little ones when they’re away. You might enjoy a “girls’ night out” while discussing potty training over cocktails, or proudly show off pictures of your kids to anyone who will listen—even if those people seemed annoying before becoming a parent.
Motherhood challenges your beliefs about life after death; the thought of living forever without your child is unbearable. You may find yourself frustrated over minor issues, yelling too loudly, or saying hurtful things, only to regret them later. It’s a revelation that you can survive on a few hours of sleep, a quick snack, and a three-minute shower. To be a mother is to strive to do your best, even when there’s no clear right answer.
Ultimately, being a mother is a profound experience of love that is unlike anything else. It’s that deep, soul-crushing love for your child that no one can prepare you for, and nothing else compares to it.
But the truth is, I still can’t quite encapsulate what it means to be a mother, because each journey is distinct and personal. So if she were to ask me again, I would still say, “It’s great,” and hope that one day she’ll be fortunate enough to discover the answer for herself.
For more insights on motherhood and related topics, you can explore this blog post or check out Make A Mom for expert advice on the fertility journey. Additionally, Healthline is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination information.