Thanks for making me feel like an inadequate mother.
It was 5 a.m., and I had spent most of the night cradling my baby. He wasn’t in distress; he had simply gotten used to being held during a previous teething episode and seemed determined to keep that routine going indefinitely. After weeks of what felt like an endless cycle of days punctuated by brief naps, I was at my breaking point and in desperate need of some support.
So, where do I turn in the stillness of the night? To my smartphone’s glow, specifically my Facebook parenting group, filled with women I don’t know personally but who are always ready to offer advice at odd hours. Without this group, I would have struggled even more through sleepless nights, breastfeeding dilemmas, and toddler meltdowns. There’s solace in knowing that somewhere, another mom is trudging through the same challenges.
But, like any group, there’s bound to be that one person.
After posting a plea for help at 5 a.m., outlining the various strategies I had already tried to get my baby to sleep on his own (including letting him cry it out), I got a mix of practical suggestions and comforting messages. Many responded with empathy: “I’m so sorry, I know this is tough, but you’ll get through it.” That’s just what a weary mom like me needs to hear. But then, a notification popped up that caught me off guard: “That poor baby, crying for an hour!”
Excuse me? Thanks for your input, but that’s not what I needed to hear. Your comment only reinforced my feelings of inadequacy, suggesting that I was a bad mother for wanting a little sleep. Because I had exhausted numerous other options and ultimately felt I had no choice but to let him cry, I was somehow unworthy of motherhood.
What did you think I was doing, Thoughtless Mom? Did you imagine I was lounging in a cozy chair, sipping tea while my child’s cries echoed in the background? Did you think I had tuned out my baby’s distress completely? Maybe you assumed I was off enjoying a moment of peace at a café?
Let me clarify. I was curled up under the covers, staring at the baby monitor with red, tired eyes, tears streaming down my cheeks because I felt guilty about letting my baby cry. I felt helpless, unsure of what else to do, yet too mentally and emotionally drained to think straight.
I reached out for help, and instead of offering support, you chose to shame me. Think about that for a moment. That’s really disheartening.
As new mothers, we constantly question if we are doing the right thing; we argue with our partners about the best approach, and we hear opinions from everyone around us. Our lives are filled with the fear of inadequacy, and instead of supporting one another through this shared anxiety, you chose to amplify it.
It’s disappointing.
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In summary, we all need to support each other in this challenging journey of motherhood rather than contribute to feelings of inadequacy.