Updated: Aug. 1, 2016
Originally Published: Dec. 18, 2015
In my mid-thirties, after a surprising pregnancy ended in a miscarriage that I didn’t see coming, my partner, Alex, and I decided it was time to actively pursue parenthood. There’s something about a pregnancy that prompts those essential “what’s next for us?” conversations. We both agreed that we wanted children in our lives, and soon “someday” turned into “let’s start now” following another unexpected miscarriage. The fear of potentially not being able to conceive outweighed our financial apprehensions.
We began our journey towards parenthood without the typical concerns of job security or health insurance. At the time, I was working as a bartender while Alex was making ends meet as a musician. We set aside a little money for savings, hoping it would help when the time came for me to take a break from work. A few years later, we welcomed our son into the world.
After his birth, I took a brief hiatus from my job, but our financial realities soon required me to return to bartending. It was then that I started writing to boost our income. My experiences behind the bar had honed my storytelling skills, leading to some freelance opportunities. We juggled our work schedules to ensure one of us was always available for our child. We found ourselves among the trendy families in our upscale Brooklyn neighborhood. While Alex grew up there, I had lived in the area for over a decade, but once we had a child, we began to ponder whether city life was sustainable on our modest incomes.
Fast forward a few years, and I found myself sitting on the toilet of our third-floor apartment—already feeling cramped with our first child—staring at a positive pregnancy test. We were about to add another child to our already delicate financial situation.
On paper, we may not fit the mold of typical American parents: a musician performing gigs throughout New York and a writer making a living from my words. Our Bohemian lifestyle might lead some to question our decision to expand our family given our apparent financial constraints. However, our situation reflects the reality of many American families living paycheck to paycheck.
While we technically fall into the “middle class” category, we rarely have extra cash left over. Monthly income and expenses are a constant puzzle. We don’t indulge in luxurious lifestyles; we don’t own a house or fancy cars, and we seldom treat ourselves to anything beyond necessities. We are simply two working adults with two kids in daycare.
When I’ve shared our experience before, I often encounter comments like, “Don’t have kids you can’t afford.” Was I wrong to bring children into a world I couldn’t financially prepare for? Should financial readiness dictate the decision to have kids?
The notion that people must be financially stable to raise children is intriguing, especially when so many are struggling. The middle class is facing unprecedented challenges, with rising costs for what many deem essential for child-rearing. Statistics reveal that the median household income remains stagnant while the costs of raising children continue to soar. For instance, a Bloomberg report indicated that college tuition rose by an astonishing 1120 percent over 30 years, while childcare expenses have nearly doubled since 1989. Families living below the poverty line face even steeper challenges, often spending 30 percent of their income on childcare.
In the past, we hoped our children would have better opportunities than we did. However, with escalating living costs and stagnant wages, that aspiration feels increasingly unrealistic. So, what’s the path ahead? Should only the affluent be allowed to raise families? When someone says, “Don’t have kids you can’t afford,” do they consider the vast number of individuals affected by this statement?
It’s unrealistic to expect families to “keep up” financially when wages are stagnant and living costs are soaring. It’s also unreasonable to ask individuals to abandon their dreams of parenthood. I wouldn’t discourage couples in our position from having kids simply because they lack financial security. We need more families advocating for change. We must critically examine the challenges facing the middle class today. If a middle-class income can’t cover basic childcare necessities, then what does that mean for future generations? I don’t have all the answers, but I share this with friends who feel they can’t afford to have kids: “Have them anyway.”
This article was originally published on Dec. 18, 2015. For more insights into pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource.
Summary:
This article reflects on the decision to have children despite financial constraints, emphasizing that many families face similar struggles. The author shares her personal journey, addressing societal expectations around financial readiness for parenthood. Ultimately, she encourages those who feel they can’t afford to have kids to pursue their dreams of family regardless of financial status.