My children embody the beauty of diversity, a reflection of the melting pot that is America. They’ve got that lovely tan during the summer, a blend of my European heritage and their father’s Iranian roots. My husband, Amir, is an Iranian-American who was born right here in the U.S. His name is quite common in the Middle East, and he speaks fluent Farsi.
The questions I encounter often stem from deep-seated stereotypes about Middle Eastern culture, men, and Islam. Many Westerners, influenced by media portrayals of radical factions, mistakenly equate all Middle Eastern people with violence and extremism. Unfortunately, these misconceptions lead to an array of absurd inquiries about my family.
While I’m exhausted from defending my husband’s ethnicity, our marriage, and the identities of our children, I recognize the importance of dialogue. Just as many individuals fight against racism and discrimination, I’ll continue to speak out against ignorance. It’s crucial to understand that Islam is not rooted in hate, and Middle Eastern individuals are not inherently violent.
But honestly, I shouldn’t need to explain this. We all live in a global society and should strive to learn more about cultures different from our own. So, here are five of the most ridiculous questions I frequently receive about my Middle Eastern husband and our multicultural family:
1. Does he control you?
Seriously? This tattooed, green-haired mom is not someone who can be controlled by anyone, let alone my husband. Amir is one of the most easygoing people I know. If anything, I’m the one who takes charge around here (though don’t tell him that).
2. Do you have to wear a veil?
I have the freedom to dress as I choose. I know I need to wear a shirt and shoes to eat at a restaurant, but beyond that, no one dictates my wardrobe—not my husband, or anyone else. Many Muslim women proudly wear the hijab by choice as a symbol of their faith and modesty, but if Amir ever tried to impose a dress code on me, I would consider that oppressive.
3. Does he make you practice Islamic rituals?
Not at all! First off, I’m not Muslim, nor am I particularly religious. Secondly, Amir is also not Muslim—gasp! He’s Middle Eastern but identifies with his culture in a way that doesn’t involve religion. Even if he were Muslim, he could practice his faith without my involvement. We do celebrate certain Middle Eastern traditions together, focusing on cultural aspects rather than strictly religious ones.
4. Does your husband think he can have multiple wives?
Last I checked, polygamy is illegal in the U.S. Besides, can you imagine the chaos? Managing multiple partners sounds overwhelming! Most scholars agree that while some interpretations of the Quran allow men to have up to four wives, it’s not a requirement. Amir would likely find the thought of juggling multiple spouses far too daunting. Frankly, I’m already enough to handle!
5. You can’t seriously believe it’s safe to travel with your kids to a Muslim-majority country?
It’s my choice to determine the safety of my family’s travels, including trips to places like Iran, where Amir’s family resides. Just last summer, we visited Morocco and found the locals to be incredibly welcoming. Sure, there are cultural norms to respect, like dressing modestly, but that’s just common sense when visiting any new place.
Traveling to Iran does come with challenges, and I won’t downplay those complexities. However, I refuse to judge an entire nation based on media portrayals. Each culture has its intricacies that require understanding and compassion. I’ve chosen to invest my time and resources in experiences that enrich my family’s perspective rather than feed into stereotypes.
Next time you feel the urge to ask similar questions, remember the value of empathy and knowledge.