There comes a moment in every mother’s journey when the unexpected occurs: your once-adoring child suddenly feels uncomfortable showing affection in public. “Mom, please,” she pleads, “do you have to do that here?” In stunned silence, you watch her rush off to join her friends, grappling with the reality of the situation. A wave of anxious thoughts floods your mind: Does she still love me? Is she embarrassed to be seen with me? Does she even want to be my daughter anymore?
Of course, she does. It’s just that at this stage in her life, she prefers to keep her affection for you under wraps from her peers. Remember how you felt at her age? This is a normal part of growing up. So, it’s time to put on your brave face and head to the store for a little retail therapy while your daughter mingles with her friends. Later that evening, after you’ve driven a few blocks away, she’ll be ready to give you that kiss—away from prying eyes. And you know what? You’ll gladly take it.
Since entering middle school, my daughter’s bus stop has been conveniently located right outside our home. I used to walk her down the driveway, plant a kiss on her cheek, and wish her a great day. Last year, she told me, “You don’t have to walk me to the bus,” which I was okay with, especially on those groggy mornings when I was still in my pajamas. I could wave goodbye from the door.
However, this year, something shifted. As I leaned in for a kiss, she quickly turned her cheek towards me, darting out the door without a word. What was happening? Maybe it was just a rough morning, I thought. But when it happened again the next day, reality struck: my teenage daughter was no longer comfortable showing affection in front of others. Despite the fact that only the bus driver and a few peers might witness a quick peck, she was fully aware of her feelings and didn’t want to face potential embarrassment.
As a mother of a child with special needs, I’ve faced my share of challenges related to autism. Yet, I’ve also avoided many of the more stressful aspects of “typical” teenage life. My daughter doesn’t crave trendy clothes or the latest gadgets. She doesn’t yearn to attend concerts or have sleepovers. Thankfully, she’s not caught up in the world of manicures, selfies, or—thankfully—boys.
This situation is bittersweet. In some ways, having a teenager with autism spares you from the overwhelming expenses and drama that often accompany typical teenage experiences. Yet, when I hear other moms discussing concerts and parties my daughter wasn’t invited to, I can’t help but feel a pang of sympathy for her.
As I stood in the doorway, still grappling with the sting of rejection, I couldn’t help but realize the significance of this moment. Isn’t this exactly how teenage girls respond when their mothers try to show affection in public? After momentarily celebrating my daughter’s independence, the familiar worries crept back in: Does she still love me? Is she ashamed of me? Does she even want me as her mother anymore?
Of course, she does. It’s just that right now, she’s navigating the delicate balance of growing up and wanting to appear cool in front of her friends. I remembered feeling the same way at her age. This is just a typical part of maturation. So, I decided to head to Target for a little retail celebration while she went off to school, confident that later that evening, once the bus was empty, she would give me that kiss I cherished.
And you know what? I’ll embrace it.
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Summary
In this article, the author reflects on the bittersweet moment when her teenage daughter, feeling the pressure of growing up, shies away from public displays of affection. While initially hurt by the rejection, the mother ultimately finds joy in her daughter asserting her independence. The piece captures the normalcy of adolescent behavior and highlights the unique experiences of parenting a child with special needs.