For the past five years, my default setting has been “overwhelmed.” After welcoming my wonderful twins into the world, I quickly learned that my previous understanding of “busy” was entirely naive. The daily acrobatics required to manage life while caring for these adorable little ones felt like trying to balance a stack of fine china on my head while chained to a 40-pound weight.
I recall a conversation with a friend who admitted he wasn’t ready to start a family. “I’m not ready to give up my freedom,” he said. At the time, I barely processed his words. Not ready? My body had been ready for years! As the months passed and I entered motherhood, that conversation replayed in my mind with renewed intensity, and I began to grasp what “giving up my freedom” truly entailed.
Giving up my freedom meant clinging to my full bladder for just a few more minutes while I changed a diaper, prepared snacks, and dealt with the mess on the carpet. It meant skipping my dental hygiene for the day because, after nursing the twins, my daughter had fallen asleep while my son was wide awake and ready to explore every sound he could make.
It also meant the concept of “date nights” with my husband became a distant memory—what even are those? I often wished my friend had shaken me awake to convey the reality of parenthood with more urgency. Had he cracked the secret code of understanding this life without ever experiencing it himself, or was I simply blinded by my overwhelming desire to be a mother?
These days, “I’m not ready to give up my freedom” has transformed into a constantly evolving notion. As my infants grew into curious toddlers, I found myself in a relentless game of chase, all while trying to finish that sandwich I had been craving for hours. Their newfound verbal skills meant responding to endless requests for snacks, toys, and enthusiastic applause for potty training victories. Now, my days revolve around their endless questions and their delightful artistic expressions, like their latest family portrait complete with houses, trees, and suns.
Reflecting on the time before kids, I remember yearning for a family, picturing idyllic moments with perfectly dressed children playing with their pristine wooden blocks. I often think about the activities that once occupied my time, which now compete for my attention alongside my children, and the constant battle between cherishing these moments and longing for the person I was before. Gradually, it became clear to me that maintaining my pre-parenthood life didn’t hold a candle to the vibrant life I now lead.
This is my life—our life—filled with joy, chaos, and love. My husband and I have created a world revolving around our three little ones, who trail behind us like a trio of ducklings. This life, with all its imperfections, is what I dreamed of and feel incredibly fortunate to experience.
When life shifts, it’s important to adjust your expectations. This is the time of our lives. It’s the season when dishes can sit in the sink because it’s the holidays and we’re glued to a classic holiday movie, sharing cherished childhood memories with our children.
This is the time of our lives when my hair might still be damp as I pull it back, and my kids are excitedly beckoning me to witness their newest dance moves or to answer a barrage of questions about football as they discover their passions. Their observations and thoughts challenge me, making me marvel at how their minds are developing.
There are moments when I step on yet another Cheerio and resist the urge to vacuum because my 18-month-old giggles in delight, thinking I’m about to chase her. Why would I want to do anything else? And yes, there are still those 3 a.m. wake-ups when I cradle my sweet baby, indulging in the warmth of her sleepy body against mine.
These days, “I’m not ready to give up my freedom” means I wouldn’t trade this life for anything, and I embrace it fully. This is the time I always imagined, and now it’s my reality. This life is overflowing with love, joy, and a delightful kind of exhaustion.
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Summary:
Motherhood has transformed my life in ways I never anticipated, shifting my understanding of freedom and joy. This journey is filled with chaotic love, laughter, and beautiful moments that make every sleepless night worthwhile.