“Leave bathroom discussions out of your relationship.” “Some things should remain private.” Those who say this have likely never raised children. They may also think that every time my partner walks through the door, I should be perfectly composed, with my hair styled, dishes washed, toys stowed away, and a radiant smile ready to hide the chaos of my day. Yeah, right.
Before adopting a dog and having a baby, I can’t remember ever discussing bathroom habits with my partner. We’ve always been a bit silly and overly candid, so I’m sure such chats took place, but now? It feels like bodily functions dominate our conversations. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about parenthood, it’s that poop will consume your life. Here’s how:
6. The Daily Report Card
Whenever I pass the baby to my partner, the first question is always, “Did he poop?” More times than I can count, before even a kiss or a greeting, I’ve already shared the bowel movement status of our 13-month-old, complete with details on consistency and color. It’s gross to talk about, but fellow parents understand: this is our reality.
5. Diaper Change Face-Offs
We’ve resorted to playful bets, with the loser taking on the dreaded diaper duty. Our son, however, seems to think the changing table is a torture chamber, squirming and wailing the entire time. You leave each diaper change feeling like you’ve conquered a mountain, yet utterly defeated. Sometimes, we bribe him with candy—not our finest parenting moment, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
4. Google and the Poo Search
Yes, I’ve Googled baby poop. A few times, I might add. I once thought, “This will be the last time,” but I was wrong. Once you’ve entered the world of baby poop image searches, there’s no turning back. I hope I’m not the only one; it does sound a bit odd, doesn’t it? But I always have health concerns in mind.
3. The Diaper-Free Adventure
Letting a child go without a diaper can be risky—your belongings are at great risk of becoming pee or poo targets. Recently, I allowed my toddler to hold my phone during a diaper change, only to look down and find him sitting cross-legged and peeing. Thankfully, my phone survived unscathed (at least I tell myself that). Sometimes, ignorance truly is bliss.
2. Diapers Are Not Foolproof
You try to remember to check your little one before picking them up, but inevitably you’ll find yourself washing poop off your shirt in a public bathroom. A curious child might even ask, “Is that poop?” How did I, a capable adult, end up here? Simple: I heard my son crying and rushed to help, only to be caught in a major blowout situation.
1. Privacy? What’s That?
Your bathroom is no longer a sanctuary. As a parent, you’ll find your child staring up at you while you try to enjoy a moment of solitude. Picture this: you’re in Target, holding your kid while attempting to pull up your pants with one hand. It’s a ridiculous dance, and your child is in a precarious hold, dangerously near the Heimlich maneuver. At that moment, I could swear my toddler was judging me, thinking, “Mom, get it together!”
Despite the manicured nails and styled hair, I’m always a moment away from being covered in a delightful mix of bodily fluids. Yes, parenthood changes you—often in profound ways that involve love and selflessness. But let’s be real: it also humbles you in ways you never expected, often involving poop.
For more insights on navigating parenthood, check out our other blog posts about privacy policies and tips on home insemination at Intracervical Insemination Privacy Policy and learn more about Artificial Insemination Kits. If you’re looking for reliable information on fertility, the CDC’s Reproductive Health FAQ is an excellent resource.