Reflecting on my first year as a mom, I realize that the biggest parenting mistake I made then still affects me, even two decades later. I tend to be overly rigid and uptight. Honestly, I sometimes feel like a tightly wound spring ready to snap!
When I married Jake, who is known for his laid-back attitude, I often felt the weight of responsibility to keep things organized. He didn’t share my worries, especially during those early years with our children. I insisted on strict schedules for meals and bedtime, believing that routine was my only chance at maintaining any semblance of sanity amidst the chaos of parenthood. Babies can dominate your life, and I was exhausted—showered or not!
While Jake worked, I was the one home with the kids, managing everything from midnight feedings to diaper changes. I wanted him to rest well, which often left me feeling grumpy and frazzled. Sticking to a schedule was my lifeline, allowing me to grab a few precious hours of sleep.
This rigid need for routine turned social outings into stressful endeavors. Every birthday party invitation sent my mind racing as I worried about ensuring the kids were fed and well-rested before venturing out. I longed for just one relaxing family outing, but it seemed impossible. Our meals were never calm; as soon as we sat down, someone would need a diaper change or wake up early from a nap. When I handed the baby to Jake, it usually backfired. The baby would cry and demand to be back in my arms.
Now, looking back after twenty years, I realize how much I’ve tried to schedule our lives to feel less chaotic. I live by the clock and can be pretty inflexible. While my children sometimes complain about my uptight nature, they also appreciate the structure that helped them balance sports and academics during high school. This foundation has served them well as they navigate college and graduate school.
However, I’ve come to understand that not everything needs to be meticulously planned. Many of life’s most beautiful moments are spontaneous, and I often missed those opportunities because of my adherence to a schedule. My rigidity makes it hard to embrace the unexpected joys life has to offer.
I often observe friends who are even more uptight than I am, and it makes me reflect on my own choices. I wish I had let go of my need for control during those early years. My fixation on perfection only added stress to my life and my family’s.
Now that my kids are in their twenties, they often joke that “Mom is so uptight!” It’s a cringe-worthy reminder of my struggle. I still find myself clinging to a schedule when they visit, getting anxious if we leave the house without a plan. I dread any delays, fearing they’ll derail the day I’ve mapped out in my mind.
I see glimpses of my rigidity in my children, and I wish I could change that. Life would undoubtedly be easier, more enjoyable, and whimsical if I could let go of my need to control every aspect.
Lately, when unexpected changes arise—something my husband seems to thrive on—I’m trying to adopt a more open mindset. Instead of immediately saying “no,” I’m learning to consider, “this could be fun.” My goal is to strike a balance between spontaneity and scheduling, starting with the realization that things don’t have to be perfect. My biggest parenting error from that first year? I’m still on the path to overcoming it.
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In summary, my journey as a parent has taught me the importance of flexibility and spontaneity. While my inclination toward rigidity has helped me create structure, it has also limited my ability to experience life’s unexpected joys. As I continue to grow and learn, I aim to find a balance that allows for both planning and spontaneity.