Last night, a close friend messaged me, “I’m fed up with everything and everyone.” While we don’t chat often, we reach out when we’re at our wits’ end. She is juggling a 5-year-old and a 9-month-old, both of whom were testing her patience.
“Am I a terrible parent for wishing I could give my kids away? My oldest never stops whining, and the baby won’t stop crying. I might lose my mind!” she confessed.
I replied, “Absolutely, you’re a bad parent! And guess what? I’m the captain of the bad parent bus. Honestly, who wants to ride the good-parent bus with someone who only has nice things to say about their kids?”
Her husband was in the living room watching TV with their older child, while the baby was in the crib, crying away. I advised her, “Scream into a pillow, lay on the sidewalk and gaze at the sky. You deserve it. Have a drink; you’ve earned that too!”
Realizing texting wasn’t enough, I called her. “Let it all out. Vent to me,” I urged.
“I’m just so exhausted,” she began. “I know this phase will pass, and things will get easier when the baby turns one, but I forgot how tough it can be. The whining from the older one is relentless, and I feel like I’m failing both of them…”
As she poured out her feelings, I couldn’t help but reflect on how I once felt the same way. I thought to myself, “I remember this struggle, and it seems like I’ve managed to come out the other side.”
We shared a laugh, and I recounted my own survival tactics: blogging, the occasional self-deprecating humor, and, yes, indulging in a bad habit like smoking when the kids were asleep. (A few puffs always left me feeling queasy—so no worries about addiction here!)
During our chat, I found it refreshing to be the one offering support instead of seeking it. I had that cliché moment of realization: “It was so hard, but now it’s a blur.”
Then, I remembered my own trials—those long months of tearless crying that felt like an eternity.
She reassured me, “I know it’ll get easier soon.”
I couldn’t help but think, “If by ‘soon’ you mean in about 18 months, then yes.” She was entering the challenging phase that I had just navigated with my youngest: the relentless whining and chaos that made me wonder if I had wronged a puppy in a past life.
While I know my challenges aren’t over, the irrationality of the toddler years has faded. Talking with my friend made me realize that I’ve indeed crossed into a less chaotic phase. Things do improve, albeit slightly—just as I was told a year ago. I shared with her, “You’re the closest friend to me on this journey, so feel free to call anytime and vent. It’s still fresh in my memory.”
“I will, and I really appreciate it. I know things will get better soon.”
“No, they won’t,” I joked.
Parenting is definitely more manageable now, yet it’s still a game of herding cats and repeating myself countless times. There are still moments of eye-rolling and losing my cool when my 4-year-old throws a tantrum at the word “no.”
We still have sleepless nights and tears over a lost pacifier—but it’s easier now. I had dreamed of this day, and the realization hit me when I became the listener rather than the one venting. Hearing my friend express her frustrations made me respond, “I understand. I’ve been there. I can’t explain how I made it through, but you will too.”
The perspective from this side is undoubtedly different, even if the future still seems intimidating. I think I’ll treat myself to a drink. I’ve definitely earned it.
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Summary:
Parenting can feel overwhelming, especially during those challenging early years with infants and toddlers. It’s important to remember that difficulties eventually ease, and supporting one another through the chaos can provide much-needed relief. As we navigate the ups and downs of parenting, it’s vital to acknowledge the struggles and share our experiences with friends who are going through similar challenges.