Why I Appreciate My Former Husband

Eight years after we exchanged vows, my husband and I came to the realization that our marriage wasn’t meant to last. As both of us had experienced divorce in our childhood—him once and me three times—we understood the potential impact this decision would have on our then-5-year-old daughter. He had only seen his father a couple of times since their divorce, once at a wedding and again during his father’s final days. My own mother had largely been absent, only to vanish from my life entirely when I was eight.

Together, we wrestled with how to minimize the upheaval for our daughter and communicated more openly than we ever had during our marriage. For several months, we cohabitated as roommates, navigating this new phase of life and striving to begin each day with a fresh perspective.

While our journey hasn’t always been smooth sailing, my ex-husband and I have found a rhythm that works for us. Now, six years later, with two new marriages and a baby added to the mix, I can genuinely say that I appreciate my former husband. Here’s why:

1. He Provided Nonjudgmental Support.

After our split, I faced unemployment and financial struggles. I had invested the money from selling our house into a new one, just as I lost my job. Throughout that challenging year, I juggled two full-time positions while he willingly took on more than his share of co-parenting responsibilities. When unexpected expenses arose, he was there with a loan—no questions asked.

2. He Understands the Situation.

Running late because dinner at my mother’s was supposed to start at 5:00 but no one arrived until 6:00? That’s perfectly fine—he spent eight years with my family and knows their timing quirks well! Similarly, when sudden changes come up due to his new in-laws, we adapt together. When my pregnancy left me bedridden for days, he stepped in to help with school pickups and drop-offs, remembering how tough my pregnancies can be.

3. He Stands by Me.

I adore my daughter, and so does her father, but she can be quite a handful. Strong-willed and smart, she’s entering her teenage years and testing boundaries. During these challenging moments, it’s crucial for us to present a united front. If she faces consequences at my home, the same applies at his. When she disrespected me in front of a friend, he made it clear that such behavior would not be tolerated. Having his support makes co-parenting so much easier.

4. He Found a Partner Who Cares for Our Daughter.

It certainly helps that his new wife is young, intelligent, and dedicated, but what matters most is her affection for our daughter. She and her family embrace our girl as their own. When my daughter seeks my help with homework, despite her stepmother’s qualifications, she graciously allows space for that connection.

5. We’re Not Remarried.

I’m convinced that my ex and I could run a major corporation together, or even lead a small country, but marriage is not our forte. The fact that we return to separate homes and partners each evening fosters our ability to communicate effectively about our daughter and our lives. I can cherish him without being in love or married to him.

I recognize that I’m among a small group of divorced individuals who not only tolerate their exes but genuinely enjoy a friendship with them. It’s common to hear horror stories about ex-partners, but I consider myself fortunate to share parenting duties with such a compassionate man. While my perspective may not resonate with those who prefer to commiserate, it serves as a reminder that the effort we’ve put into our relationship is worthwhile, and ultimately, it benefits our daughter, which is all that truly matters.

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Summary:

Navigating post-divorce co-parenting can be challenging, but it’s possible to appreciate and respect an ex-partner. Through mutual support, understanding, and shared goals for their child, divorced parents can create a positive environment that prioritizes their children’s well-being.