Danskos: A Love-Hate Relationship with Clunky Comfort

I have a serious affection for my Dansko clogs, and it seems that many of my friends share this sentiment. These shoes are a staple for a diverse crowd—moms, hipsters, chefs, healthcare workers, educators, and even some celebrities like Tina Fey and Jennifer Garner.

Comfort Over Everything

Are they cozy? Absolutely! The first time I slid into these delightful, clunky shoes, I felt like I had stepped onto clouds. They gave me an instant boost, making me feel taller and somehow Scandinavian.

Pricey but Worth It

But are they budget-friendly? Not exactly. A pair typically costs around $120.00. During my wealthier days, I indulged in a couple of pairs. I’ve also had some luck at thrift stores (I swear I heard angels when I discovered a pair of patent Professionals for just $7.99 at a local shop) and have received generous hand-me-downs from friends. The beauty of Danskos is their durability; with proper care—avoiding fires and playful puppies—they can last for years.

Attractiveness? Not So Much

Now, let’s talk about attractiveness. If you’re looking for sexy, look elsewhere. My ex-husband used to call them “those big black shoe things you wear.” They resemble the wooden clogs of yesteryears, far from the strappy and sleek designs. Instead, they give you the confidence to stomp through parking lots, grocery stores, and school hallways like a boss. Want some serious clunk? Danskos deliver.

The Volvo of Footwear

Think of Danskos as the Volvo of footwear. Sturdy and practical? You bet. But they’re also crafted with quality in mind, appealing to those who appreciate the value of investing a bit more. Plus, both brands conveniently end with an “o.”

Painful Secrets

However, there’s a little secret about Danskos that you won’t find on their website or hear from salespeople: they can be quite painful. And trust me, I’ve experienced it firsthand—twice!

The first incident happened about seven years ago. I was on amicable terms with my soon-to-be ex-husband, who was waiting in the driveway for our kids. I stepped out to chat, proudly wearing my Danskos. But then, disaster struck: my left foot rolled, I heard a crunch, and down I went. Embarrassing? Yes. But I got up, limping over to say hi like a true trooper.

Once he left, I examined the damage. My ankle was swelling and had taken on a zombie-like purple hue. It hurt like crazy, but I had a date that night with a guy I dubbed Frugal Frank—a Mr. Big lookalike who was a notoriously bad tipper. I wasn’t going to let a swollen ankle ruin my night. I crammed my foot into cute black boots and minimized my walking while enjoying an AC/DC cover band. I might have shed a tear when Frank kissed me goodnight, not because of romance, but because I was dreading the moment I’d have to unzip my boot and reveal the true state of my ankle.

More Mishaps

And yet, I kept wearing my Danskos. Over the years, I had plenty of near-misses, and many of my friends have their own tales of twisted ankles and Dansko-related mishaps.

Just recently, I found myself in full-on Rage Cleaning Mode, muttering about my lazy kids as I took out two big bags of recycling. Mid-mutter, disaster struck again: my foot slipped, and I tumbled down the snowy steps. After a moment of pain, I hobbled back inside, icing my foot with a bag of Trader Joe’s edamame that had been lurking in the freezer. I told myself, “It’s not so bad.”

But let’s be real—I’m at that age where I can no longer just bounce back. As the hours passed, I realized I may have actually injured my foot. After some encouragement from my friend Lisa, I finally went to a local orthopedic clinic, where I got some x-rays and was attended by a rather handsome doctor.

As I recounted my misadventures to a coworker, she glanced at my swollen foot and asked, “So you’re not wearing Danskos anymore?” I confidently replied, “Oh, I’m definitely wearing them again.” She chuckled and walked away, the sound of her Danskos clomping echoing in the hall.

The Final Verdict

Fool me once, shame on you, Dansko. Fool me twice? Shame on me. But at least I’ll be comfy until the next tumble.

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In summary, while Danskos may not be the most glamorous footwear, they provide undeniable comfort and durability. Just be prepared for the occasional mishap along the way!