When I welcomed my first child, my life revolved entirely around him. Every day was meticulously planned around his nap times, feeding schedules, and moods. As a stay-at-home mom, I had the flexibility to prioritize his needs, and I genuinely enjoyed it. After all, a happy and well-cared-for baby contributed to a happy mom. However, my meticulous approach shifted dramatically with the arrival of my second child.
From the moment my second baby was a few weeks old, I found myself bundling him up and strapping him into his car seat to drop his older brother off at school—often while he was crying! Am I alone in thinking that babies generally dislike car rides? My second child’s life quickly became intertwined with his older brother’s schedule, leaving me feeling overwhelmed and stretched thin. I quickly learned to ease up on my parenting ideals, realizing that flexibility was essential for our sanity.
As my youngest approaches three, I find myself doing things for him that I never would have considered with my first child. While some changes stem from necessity, many come from pure exhaustion. Here are a few rules that have changed:
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Using Treats as Incentives
In my early days of motherhood, I frowned upon parents who resorted to candy for potty training or to quell tantrums. I believed there were healthier strategies. Then came my second child. Now, if my toddler refuses to wear pants before we need to leave the house, I might just whip out some “healthy” lollipops (organic sugar and vegetable-based coloring included). Let’s be real—I’m bribing him with candy because he needs to get dressed fast! -
Incomplete Baby Books
With my first child, I meticulously documented every milestone—his first coo, bath, and even his first giggle at a ceiling fan. Now, with my second child? I’m pretty sure we noted his first word and maybe his first step. But the details are fuzzy, and the baby book is likely gathering dust somewhere. -
Relaxed Screen Time Limits
I distinctly remember the first time my older son watched TV. He was about two, and we were thrilled to introduce him to his favorite book characters on screen. By contrast, my second child was swiping the iPad from his brother before he could even crawl. I was too preoccupied with dinner to intervene! -
Earlier Junk Food Exposure
My first child thought granola bars were a special treat and didn’t taste ice cream until he was nearly two. By the time my second child was born, his older brother had developed a sweet tooth. At just six months, my youngest discovered a hidden stash of Halloween candy and was happily sucking on the wrappers of Hershey’s Kisses. There was no turning back from that! -
Infrequent Doctor’s Appointments
With my first, every doctor’s visit felt like a personal achievement. I scheduled appointments promptly and relished the milestones. Now, with my second, I’m lucky if I remember to schedule his dental checkup, which I realize is already three months overdue. -
Spontaneous Playdates
My first child had a packed social calendar filled with playdates and classes. The second child, however, often tags along, and playdates are less frequent. He’s formed friendships with older kids, spending his afternoons chasing after second-graders instead.
These little breaks from the rules have taught me that children are surprisingly resilient. A bit of extra candy or screen time won’t ruin them, and starting the day with Pirate Booty isn’t a crime. Though I still hold on to some routines, I’ve learned that sometimes, skipping naps or having a later bedtime is perfectly okay—although it might not be the best for me!
Ultimately, loosening up has improved my parenting. Perfection is unattainable and often leads to stress. My kids seem to enjoy me more when I’m willing to laugh instead of yell, and when I can share cuddles instead of worrying about a spotless home. While I maintain certain standards, I recognize there are various ways to provide a loving, nurturing environment.
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Summary:
Parenting norms inevitably shift between your first and second child. From using treats as quick fixes to relaxing on screen time, many parents find themselves adapting their strategies out of necessity and exhaustion. Embracing flexibility can lead to better parenting experiences, allowing for more laughter and less stress.