Dear Emma,
Today is a day of celebration—your birthday! Each year, I find myself amazed at how quickly you’re growing and evolving. Yet, there are aspects of our mother-daughter bond that you won’t fully grasp until you have a child of your own. I experienced one of those feelings tonight.
In preparation for your birthday, I meticulously planned a small gathering for you last week. I gathered the ingredients for your favorite dishes and noted all the colors of icing you wished for your cupcakes. We delighted in the thought of baking your cake together and indulging in pineapple pizza until our bellies were full.
But like many moms, I juggle multiple roles, one of which is being a career woman—a passion of mine. Just as I organized your birthday, I also carefully structure my workdays. I invest my heart into both my profession and our family. I run errands during my lunch breaks and eagerly anticipate seeing your smiling face each evening as I leave the office.
I take pride in balancing my career and motherhood because I firmly believe we, as women, deserve the same respect in the workplace as men do. I will strive to ensure you grow up in a world where professional equality is the norm for all.
I want you to know that it’s perfectly fine to have an identity beyond just “Mom.” If you wish, have a family and pursue your aspirations outside of it. When someone inquires about your career, I hope they don’t first ask, “How do you manage work and motherhood?”
However—yes, there’s a ‘but’—I also want you to understand that it’s alright to have moments like I did tonight. Despite my careful planning and gathering all the ingredients for your favorite pizza and icing colors for your cupcakes, I didn’t make it home in time to do any of it. Instead, we ordered pizza, and the cupcakes were adorned with just one color of store-bought icing.
Even though I know you likely didn’t notice these small setbacks—deep down, I realize that’s not what makes your birthday special—tonight, I felt something for the first time: a unique kind of guilt. Guilt for choosing to be a mom while also pursuing my dreams.
I can’t pinpoint exactly why this guilt surfaced. Perhaps it’s the lingering societal expectations of mothers to be the primary caregivers. Maybe it’s the fact that I brought you into this world on this very day. Or perhaps it’s the disappointment of plans not going perfectly. Whatever the reason, I know I’m not alone in feeling this way, and I want you to know that if you ever find yourself crying in your room over something that didn’t go as planned, you’re not alone either. Don’t give up.
There are emotions you won’t fully comprehend until you step into the role of a parent. One of them includes the struggle of balancing motherhood with all other life pursuits. When you occasionally question your adequacy as a mother, remember that it’s that very doubt that signifies you are a great mom.
I want you to embrace the fact that you can be an amazing mom while also nurturing your passions. You don’t need to choose one over the other, and there’s no reason to be afraid of pursuing both. So, I leave you with some words of encouragement:
Parenting while following your dreams won’t be easy—in fact, I hope it’s challenging. If it’s not tough, if there aren’t days when you doubt yourself, then you won’t truly appreciate all that you can achieve.
You may find yourself questioning if it’s acceptable to be a mom and still live a fulfilling life. You might think that sacrificing your passions for motherhood will make things better for your children, but that’s simply not true. I’ve wrestled with that notion, and I know you will too. Your children will benefit from having a strong, determined mother as a role model.
Ultimately, when your own child comes to you with their dreams and struggles, I hope you can encourage them to persevere—just as I am doing now—because I didn’t let a few mishaps take away from the joy of being both a dedicated mom and a passionate professional.
With all my love,
Mom