No, I’m Not Married to My Children’s Father—Enough with the Concern-Trolling

self insemination kit

People can say the oddest things when they discover you’re a single parent. Questions like:

• “Are you planning to get married?”
• “Why haven’t you two tied the knot?”
• “If something happens to you, he won’t be able to make medical decisions.”
• “What if you pass away? He might not be able to handle your funeral arrangements…”
• “Won’t your kids be confused knowing their parents aren’t married?”
• “Legally, you and your partner are just strangers.”

These are just a few of the comments I’ve received, and believe me, there are many more. My partner and I have been together for a decade and share two wonderful children. Yet, people seem overly concerned about our relationship status. It’s as if my choice not to marry compels them to offer unsolicited, often legalistic, advice.

I often wonder why some people choose to marry in the first place. I know couples who seem to barely tolerate each other, share nothing in common, or hold entirely different values. When someone tells me, “If you die, he isn’t your next of kin,” I’m left speechless. I’ve never thought to say, “Your spouse seems a bit dense; do you really think everything will be okay for your kids if something happens to you?” or “Your wife is very religious. Are you positive she’ll honor your wishes for cremation? Maybe you should put that in writing.”

And just so everyone knows, single individuals can create a will and designate a power of attorney. Yes, it’s true! You don’t need a marriage certificate for the law to recognize your right to decide what happens to your assets and children after you’re gone. Surprising, isn’t it?

There are legal documents available that can address all the concerns people raise, but that’s not really the point. The underlying assumption is that I’m somehow irresponsible because I chose not to marry, a presumption that isn’t made about others who are married. It’s interesting how individuals who have been married multiple times don’t face the same scrutiny that I do. It seems a marriage license grants an automatic respect that’s perplexing, especially considering that nearly half of those unions end in divorce.

As for my kids being confused about our relationship status, they are intelligent and adaptable. They’ll understand that marriage is a choice, and it’s okay if not everyone decides to take that step.

The only person I really want to discuss these matters with is my sister—she’s the one entrusted with caring for my kids if my partner and I were to meet an untimely fate. I have no interest in prying into the legal arrangements of my married friends, and what happens in my family should be no one else’s concern.

For further insights on this topic, I recommend checking out this post about navigating challenges in relationships at this link. Plus, if you’re interested in at-home insemination, visit Make a Mom for expert advice. For those curious about the success rates of at-home insemination, here’s an excellent resource on the subject.

In summary, my choice not to marry doesn’t equate to negligence or irresponsibility. People should feel free to make their own relationship choices without judgment or unsolicited advice.