As I settled into the examination room, my doctor prepared me for yet another D&C. “This might be a bit uncomfortable,” she warned. I plugged in my headphones, cranked up my white noise app, and braced myself for the procedure. This was far from my first encounter with such news. Over the past nine months, I had faced two natural pregnancies, one round of IVF, countless fertility tests, blood draws, and two D&Cs.
I have a 12-year-old daughter, Lily, from a previous relationship. I was in my twenties when I became a mother, a time when motherhood felt like a distant idea. The experience transformed my life in profound ways, and I always envisioned welcoming another child if the timing was right. After remarrying, my husband and I began trying to conceive about a year ago.
In March, I experienced an early miscarriage. Then in May, I learned I had a missed miscarriage at eight weeks, leading to a D&C in early June. By October, I was pregnant again through IVF, only to face another D&C on November 20th—my birthday—due to yet another missed miscarriage.
Coming to terms with these losses has been challenging—the loss of potential lives, which feels different from mourning someone who is physically present. Processing my emotions has been a journey, but I’ve adopted a forward-looking perspective, shaped by valuable lessons learned from my experiences.
It’s More Common Than You Think.
Before this year, the idea of miscarriage felt abstract. I knew it happened to others, but I didn’t consider it could happen to me. Sharing my experiences openly has been liberating. I discovered that many women I know have also faced miscarriages, which helped ease my sense of isolation.
Breaking the Silence Eases Shame.
There’s an unspoken shame associated with miscarriage—a feeling of failure as a woman. This isn’t rational, yet it lingers. By talking about my journey openly, I’ve been able to shed that shame, and for that, I am grateful.
Distraction is Healthy.
Whether you choose to read, binge-watch your favorite series, shop, indulge, or exercise, finding distractions in the days following a miscarriage can be incredibly helpful. Don’t hold back on prioritizing your own needs during this time.
Grief and Gratitude Can Coexist.
Mourning doesn’t negate the gratitude for the good things in life. I’ve learned that while it’s important to acknowledge and feel grief, it doesn’t diminish my appreciation for what I have. A wise friend once said, “Don’t skip the grief. It’s important.” Accepting my grief has allowed me to process it and find renewed appreciation for my life.
There Are Greater Challenges.
When my doctor delivered the news of my latest miscarriage, she compassionately reminded me, “There are worse things we could be facing.” She mentioned the pain of delivering stillborn babies, which I can’t even begin to fathom. While miscarriage is painful and emotionally complex, it helps to maintain perspective on life’s challenges.
It’s Okay to Feel Good Again.
After experiencing loss, it’s common for others to question when you seem to be moving on. However, by allowing myself to feel grief and express my emotions, I’ve found the strength to look ahead. I am okay again, and that’s perfectly fine.
Navigating the challenges of fertility can be uncomfortable, but I assure you that with time, healing is possible. For further insights on fertility, check out resources on IVF and fertility boosters. If you’re seeking support and information on other related topics, you may find this blog post helpful.
Summary:
My journey through three miscarriages in nine months has taught me about the commonality of loss, the importance of breaking the silence surrounding it, and the necessity of self-care. Grief and gratitude can coexist, and while the experience is painful, it’s also an opportunity for growth and understanding.