This year, I decided to create an Advent calendar filled with treats for the holidays. As I carefully packed each sparkly pocket with three pieces of candy—one for each of my children—I imagined their delighted faces as they tiptoed down the stairs, their little halos shimmering in the morning light. I envisioned heartwarming giggles and joyful hugs, thinking this would be a magical experience. But, as it turned out, that feeling lasted only two days.
By the third morning, my kids were squabbling over who got which candy. I had thought that mixing different sweets each day would be a fun twist, but instead, it turned into chaos. To drown out their arguing, I found myself wrestling with the vacuum cleaner in my pajamas, shouting, “What does it matter? This is supposed to be special!” Any magic that remained was swiftly snuffed out.
As I retreated upstairs to regain my composure (and put on a bra), it hit me: I’ve been trying way too hard to create special moments for my kids. I set lofty expectations for how they should react to the things I consider meaningful. It’s not about the volume of material gifts; it’s about the barrage of “special” moments I feel compelled to orchestrate. The truth is, I can’t control their feelings. Just because I’m excited doesn’t mean they will be too. When they aren’t, I feel frustrated and disappointed.
Embracing Spontaneity
Special moments often happen spontaneously. Reflecting on my own life, some of my fondest memories were unplanned, magical events that emerged from nowhere. For example, there was that afternoon when my partner came home early, and we enjoyed a spontaneous lunch together—something we hadn’t done in nearly a decade. It was more delightful than any meticulously planned night out.
I also think back to the time I found a bouquet of dandelions in my son’s room. When I mentioned they were wilting, he sweetly replied, “No mama, they’re just turning into wishes.” That moment embodied the essence of special.
As I consider my childhood, I realize that magic was often born from unexpected moments, not grand gestures. I want to create cherished memories for my children, but perhaps if I lower my expectations and allow them to experience joy in their own way, we might discover more of those enchanting moments together.
Shifting My Approach
So, next year, there may not be candy in the Advent calendar. I plan to stop asking the kids where they want to eat out, since that just leads to arguments. As their parent, I’ll make the call on what’s for dinner.
I’m also going to ditch the idea of creating an epic Saturday adventure filled with activities. Instead, I’ll show up less frequently, letting them relish in the excitement of spontaneity without the pressure of expectations.
I don’t expect perfect children or perfect days. I still want to do wonderful things for my family, but I’ll approach it with a different mindset. After all, what’s truly special is a mother who doesn’t lose her cool while trying to craft those moments.
In Summary
I’m shifting my approach to parenting by stepping back from the pressure of creating extraordinary moments. By allowing my kids to experience joy in their own ways, I hope to cultivate a more relaxed and fulfilling family life. As I embrace spontaneity, I recognize that the real magic of childhood often arises from the unexpected.
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