Why I Prioritize One-on-One Time with My Eldest Child

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“Would you like to go on a special outing? Just us two?” I’ve asked my son this many times, but recently it’s been a while since our last adventure together. Ever since our newest arrival, who is now almost seven months old, we haven’t had a single dedicated outing.

My son, who is four years old, is the eldest of three. He has a two-year-old sister and a baby brother. He possesses a bright intellect, a caring nature, and a desire to help others. However, he also exhibits intense emotions, often feeling things more deeply than most kids. His love for us is boundless.

When his sister was born two and a half years ago, we started our “dates.” These outings ranged from simple walks to more elaborate excursions, where we relished our time together, free from distractions. Then came the news of another sibling on the way, and soon after, the baby arrived. He quickly embraced his role as the “big boy,” eager to assist me, and he adores his younger siblings more than I could have imagined. There’s no doubt he wouldn’t trade them for the world, even if it meant regaining his only-child status.

However, I realize he has been somewhat sidelined. Just yesterday, during Thanksgiving, he expressed frustration that his dad wasn’t giving him enough attention, despite their day filled with play. I often notice his pleas for help and do my best to validate his feelings. Yet, as a mother of three, I sometimes feel overwhelmed. With little ones who don’t sleep through the night, patience can be a rare commodity.

This morning, I asked him again, “Hey, do you want to go on a date? Just the two of us?” I could see the excitement spark in his eyes. He asked if I could carry him, which I did, even though he’s getting quite big!

We chose IHOP for our outing, a treat since we follow a gluten-free diet. As we settled into our booth, he snuggled beside me, and we worked on his activity placemat together. As I watched him concentrate on a maze, I noticed a scratch on his cheek and began to observe him closely as if I were relearning who he was. His freckles extended from his nose to his temples, blending into his tousled brown hair. Where had my baby gone? He leaned in, still focused on his task, and whispered, “I love you.”

In that moment, I realized I hadn’t once expressed disapproval or given him “the look” that communicated my frustration. He was simply perfect in that instant. When did I become so distant? How could I have missed those freckles?

After our meal, he insisted on paying the bill, standing tall enough for his head to reach above my waist. When did he grow so tall? I watched him chat with the cashier and ask for one last carry as we headed to the car. As soon as we were seated, tears flooded my eyes. I took a deep breath and wrapped him in a big hug. He noticed my tears and asked why I was crying. I explained that I understood how challenging it can be to balance caring for his siblings while giving him the attention he deserves. I promised we would have more dates, even if it was just a short drive with music. He smiled and said he would love that.

And that’s why I cherish these special moments with my son.

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Summary:

This article highlights the significance of dedicating one-on-one time to a child, particularly in a busy household with multiple siblings. The author reflects on the emotional bond formed during special outings with her eldest son and the need to maintain that connection amidst the challenges of parenting.