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What I Aim to Achieve in the New Year
Reflecting back, I remember the first time I consciously chose to let go of something. At the age of 12, I was always a bit heavier than my peers, and shedding those extra pounds quickly became a yearly resolution. Over the years, my goals evolved—sometimes I aimed to quit habits like nail-biting, while other times I committed to the latest weight-loss fad. For over three decades, my life revolved around losing or giving something up.
However, in all that time, I rarely considered what I might want to gain. Lately, I’ve been pondering what that could be. Perhaps it’s something I lost along the way, or maybe it’s something I never truly embraced. There’s a strong possibility that I’ve been afraid to claim it.
One significant thing I’ve realized is that I’ve often silenced my own voice. Like many women, I’ve spent my life adopting the thoughts and feelings of others, allowing them to drown out my inner voice. When I do manage to speak up for myself, guilt often follows, leaving me questioning my choices. I find myself stifling my true self, afraid to let my voice define my identity.
This habit of dismissing my own voice has become ingrained in me. Striving for perfection has proven to be unfulfilling. I’m tired of taking the easy route, avoiding conflict and prioritizing harmony over authenticity. We often place immense pressure on ourselves to please everyone, but this self-imposed expectation keeps us stuck in our comfort zones, ignoring the inner voice that encourages us to be true to ourselves.
As I embark on this journey to reclaim my voice, I see its reflection in my 8-year-old daughter, Lily. She often hesitates to express herself, instinctively deferring to others. I watch as she battles with doubt, pulling back her words and waiting for someone else to speak. We frequently discuss the importance of voicing our thoughts, and I encourage her to express herself with confidence and pride. She absorbs my frustrations regarding my own silenced voice, and I worry that she might learn to do the same.
The reality is that girls don’t simply choose to remain silent; they are taught to do so. It’s taken me a long time to realize that I have the power to shape who I become. My voice is something I must cultivate, integrating it into my identity. Sometimes, I wonder why it took me so long to discover my voice and trust in my ability to use it. But I remind myself that I can only move at the pace I’m ready for on this journey.
I’ll get there when the time is right.
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Summary
In the New Year, I aim to focus on what I can gain rather than what I should lose. I’ve spent years silencing my voice, often prioritizing the thoughts of others over my own. As I work to reclaim my voice, I recognize its importance not just for myself but also for my daughter, who mirrors my struggles. It’s time to embrace my identity and empower myself to speak up.